OK we have been thru the burn in stages. Now my “friend” has learned that his flame likes to be ummm “Taken charge of”. Now she will not elaborate because she does not want to be thought ill of. But how does my “friend” go forward with this? Now I don’t think she is into pain, maybe very light, but not serious spanking. So how would one go to the next level. First how to make her comfortable enough to discuss it, alcohol is not an option. Second what suggestions to advance to facilitate the topic? I know this is a dicey topic but I have found this board to be open to this sort of thing. Now I am not a Dom but the idea of a soft Dom has always intrigued me. Discuss.
Talking shouldn’t be too hard to initiate, even for a shy person. Or just start “playing” around and try some things to see what reaction you get. A lot of women like to be “taken charge of” but the levels of roughness vary for each. I don’t understand being unable to talk about stuff like this, I guess my porn store days have jaded me beyond imagining. I wish you luck and enjoy the games.
How about getting a couple of books and leaving them in a conspicuous place and asking her if she’d like to look them over with you? Or give them to her if you think she’d be more comfortable reading them by herself at first. Two good ones for beginners are Screw the Roses, Give Me the Thorns by Philip something (easily found on Amazon) and SM101 by Jay Wiseman. Not too freaky, not filled with scary (a relative term) pictures.
I have found that saying something like, “I’ve got a couple of books that I think are quite interesting and I sort of thought you might like to learn about them - no pressure, just something to read and think about,” works well. (Obviously you’ve got to read them yourself first.)
Well, he could watch the movie The Secretary.
Or maybe he could start by bossing her around.
She doesn’t want to say because if she says do this, do that, then she is in charge and he is just doing what she says.
In my opinion, the best way to start the conversation is for your “friend” to be mildly dominant the next time they have sex, and ask afterward if she liked it. Nothing too freaky at first – she may just want your friend to adopt a slightly forceful manner, i.e. an attitude of being in charge of what happens, holding her arms down, moving her into different positions, etc. Or she may want something more, i.e. being spanked, hair pulled, called a whore, etc. Nothing wrong with either one, but you really need to talk about boundaries before escating. (It turns out some women get mad when you call them whores during sex.) At the same time, I think it’ll come across a lot better if you don’t ask permission before exploring a bit.
Agreed. Holding someone’s arms down, gently pinning them against the wall as you kiss them, and watching their reaction works well.
In my case, my lovers have figured out that a firm grip on the back of my neck can melt me – so that might be worth trying. Start slow, and see how people react.