I like the Freud definition of “in love”. Just my opinion mind you but looks to me like that might fall more in line with what a lot of people are really feeling.
Oh and BTW…How prophetic can we get here Melpomene…
Right after I posted my last line here the phone rang. It was my sweet, irresponsible boyfriend. We had a semi-argument. He’s getting ready to switch jobs again for the 4th or 5th time since we started dating. Now don’t get me wrong. The job switching thing has no effect on me as far as monetary loss or anything like that goes. It’s just that I see his tendency toward impulsivity and his lack of stick-to-it-ness in this respect as affecting more than just his job status. He, on the other hand cannot see why I find it a less than desirable trait. He knows after all that I divorced my husband and father of my children not just because he was an alcoholic but because he was unambitious and unwilling to share the burden of family life with me. But he seems unwilling to understand why I find his lacking in this area just as problematic. Yes, it’s true that I have been self supporting and independent since I was 18 years old. Yes, it’s true that I don’t need a partner for financial or emotional security. But what I can’t seem to make him understand is that if I am going to have a partner then I MUST FEEL SECURE about the partner. I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life than live with uncertainty. So even though we don’t live together there are times when I contemplate marriage and spending the rest of my life with him or someone like him. I just need to feel like I can count on it, even if my sense of security turns out to be false. I’m realistic enough to realize that the best laid plans and love often go sour. What I’m really looking for is willingness. Even if he can’t always give me what I need a willingness and desire to try is all that I really need. Is there anything wrong with that? What’s wrong with trying to meet the needs of the one you love in a relationship? I’m willing to give it a try. I’m just not willing to be the only one that can be depended upon. I’ve been there, done that and I’m sick of being some selfish asshole’s rock.
So yes, I think he’s impulsive. He may even be fickle, not just about his job. I know he’s lead a lifestyle much different than mine. He’s never really had to put his head down and just slog along because he had someone counting on him. He’s always been able to run home to mommy and daddy when the marriage, job or relationship went south. So now I do have to think often what I want to do about this relationship. It saddens me too because in so many ways we are wonderfully compatible. I’m 42 and I’m beginning to think that I needn’t have a man in my life anymore. I know. I’ve tried to keep it simple. You like me, I like you, we enjoy each other, let’s just keep it at that. I know some people do that. They “date” for years. But for some reason that just doesn’t feel like enough for me, it never has no matter how I tried to maintain that kind of thing. I love having someone at home with me. But I can be happy by myself.
You’re absolutely right. I need to continue to assess the situation. Maybe not just the situation but my expectations. When I’m not in a relationship I don’t have any, but somehow once I get into one I start having them. Perhaps I’d be better off not to bother anymore.
Needs2know
