Oh though I walk through the crowded food court for lunch, I shall fear no fundamentalists. When I pick up my food tray and scan the hall through the feeding frenzy, I focus in on an empty seat. I ask the couple at the table if I may join them. This is answered by an affirmative. It is not long before I realize my horrible mistake. These are Christian fundies. I try to double my eating speed so I can get the hell out before they start asking me the question that will get them going. Only a few bites left. So far they have only told me about their sect and why it is obviously the correct one while Satan influences all the others. Last bite, and the question; “So what is your religious affiliation?” I chew the last bite slowly as I contemplate my answer and curse myself for not eating faster. If I answer the truth, these people may turn on me with vicious rhetoric. Their description of their own sect was so strong and against other sects that an admission of being atheist may provoke them into creating an unwanted scene and possibly even violence. I decide to play it safe. I lie. I told them I don’t belong to any affiliation per se, but that I had fully accepted Jesus into my life. They accepted this and apparently found this to be a great opportunity to rope another sucker into their group. I was handed pamphlets with names and numbers. Contacts that will help me save my soul.
Why religious people feel that salvation can only be obtained through a self appointed spokesman for God I do not understand. I took the pamphlets and looked at them as I mumbled to myself as if in a conversation. Then I looked up at the couple and told them, sorry, but JC just told me this was not the correct one and I should keep looking. Their jaws dropped, I left the pamphlets on the table grabbed my tray and left.
As I clear my tray at the dustbin, the couple approach. I quickly make my exit, but they catch me out in the mall. They start accusing me of being blasphemous and disrespectful. I found this to be a rather obnoxious and a contradiction having just heard them disrespect all other sects by telling me Satan was influencing them. How was I the disrespectful one? What is wrong with this picture? I told them exactly what I thought, then asked them to kindly leave me alone. To my great relief, they do.
Back at the office I reflect upon this lunchtime encounter where I was thoroughly fed and fed up.
Being a Christian, I’m horribly embarrassed by those who say they’re Christians, yet exhibit none of the love and tolerance that is supposed to be the cornerstone of our faith. How it escapes them that they’re doing more harm than good baffles me.
I rarely go out of my way to bait religious crusaders, but the situation you describe is the PERFECT opportunity for me to tell them my unvarnished opinion of them, and watch their expressions on their faces with fiendish glee.
I had a friend in college you used to like to say “Jesus, what a coincidence. We have a gardener named Jesus.”
That was always good for a few chuckles.
[hijack]I wonder why it is that Latinos call some of their sons Jesus, but we don’t. Do you know if that’s a common name among the Spanish, Italians or French?[/hijack]
Dave, I know you aren’t. I don’t have any problems with people of faith in any religion and respect their right to believe, as long as they respect my right to not believe.
Eve, I used to be like this too. Sometimes I still get the urge to argue about it. But a particularly bad experience with Southern Baptist back at University many years ago, made me a bit less confrontational. That is when I realized that it is better to be quiet about being an atheist then admitting it openly, especially if you are the only atheist in the area, (or should I say, the only atheist who openly admitted it.) If I had been Christian of another affiliation, I would be tolerated because at least I believed. An atheist on the other hand, seems like open hunting season for some people. I have realized that for most fundies, there is no arguing because there is a complete lack of tolerance. Therefore it is pointless and I’d rather lie then dealing with them.
You handled it more gently than I probably would have, Jack. You can see my approach in the “second occasion” in this post. It’s not likely to win me any Fundie friends.
Next time someone mentions being saved by Jesus, just say, “Who?”
Pretend you’ve never HEARD of Jesus. When they start telling you about him, act like they’re pulling your leg-“Come on! No way! YOu’re kidding! Heh…you really believe that? Well, they say there’s one born every minute…”
I wonder what Fundies would do if someone claimed they never heard of Jesus. I’m not talking about some third world backwater hick, I mean, some average Joe from Podunk, WV or something.
BWAhahahaha!!! Guin, I have to try that. Holy cow, I can’t wait now until the next opportunity arises!
Daowajan, being an agnostic, I do carry a table leg in my back pocket. And Mace in my purse. And steel knuckles in my powder bag.
I gotta protect my soul, you know. Fundies want it more than Satan does.
Go to your local Large Ubiquitous Bookstore, head for the metaphysical section, go on down to magic and there between the books on Wicca and other stuff, you’ll find the books you’ll need.
They are:
Geiger’s Necronomicon
Crowley’s Book Of Lies
Crowley’s Book 4
Inside these books you’ll nearly always find some spiritual warfare. In between the pages of any one of these you’ll likely find Chick Tracts and other Christian group publications telling you to stay away, and little print-ups from your local Satanist/Occultist group (sometimes one of each) asking you to contact them and learn more. I somehow find this really entertaining.
You can vary this pretty easily, I mean there are lots of other Occult books out there, but these seem to be the most extreme ones that are readily available at your book store. They also seem to be the most consistently filled with advertisements for various religons.
You can’t argue with a paranoid mind so don’t even try. If you just wanna piss 'em off try to do it with flair. I’m a Christian but not a fundie for very many years. I have my limits but I can see scaring them off with a little MM playing on a boom box. I actually like Dope Show
I usually just ignore them. If they persist, I’ve discovered I can kill people from a distance of 30 feet with a glare.
Arguing and insults hardly ever work on religious nutjobs, though. Those sort of people really thrive on persecution. Even if you reduce them to tears (not that I’ve, cough, done that often. Okay, maybe once or twice), they still keep on coming.
It’s like they think we’ve never heard Jesus used as anything but a swear word, so the minute we hear the “ask him into your heart and you will be saved” speech we will realize that we were completely wrong, and if we don’t kiss God’s ass he will lovingly consign us to eternal hell.
I just don’t get it. If God’s like that God can kiss MY ass.
