My first time meeting my Girlfriends Fundy Sister’s new boyfriend.
Sister: Hi, this is (boyfriend) Me: Hi (boyfriend) Girlfriend: Hi (boyfriend) Boyfriend grabs me by the shoulders, and looks me straight in the eyes Boyfriend: Do you believe that Jesus Christ, the son of God, died on the Cross for your sins, in order for you to find the way to heaven? I start squirming, but he holds on to his iron grip, his gaze boring holes in the back of my head. Me: Umm… Uhh… Yeah, I guess. Boyfriend: What do you mean “you guess?!” Girlfriend: Umm… we have to go… She grabs me and we go to my car Me: (to girlfriend in whisper) Thank you.
That was a scary experience. Caught me totally off gaurd. That’s why I didn’t say anything witty… that’s my excuse anyway. Really though, who the fuck does he think he is? I mean really!? If you think about it, that is an incredibly rude and personal question… Do I ask you if you wear underwear? No!? Then get your hands off me, get the fuck away from me, and go pray for my salvation of something. But leave me alone. JESUS!!!
Arghh. Frightening Christians. They give the rest of us a bad name. Please trust me when I say not all Christians are scary, close-minded wierdos like that (despite what may seem like a wealth of evidence to the contrary). Some Christians are actually interested in hearing the opinions of others.
-GK
(the highest compliment I’ve ever received was that I was proof not all Christians are motards, from a determined atheist friend)
I suggest adopting evangelical Hinduism as a defensive camoflague:
You: Do you believe in the divinity of the Vedas and venerate the Agamas as God’s word and the bedrock of Sanatana Dharma, the eternal religion which has neither beginning nor end?
People who grab other people they just met by the shoulders are lucky that they don’t get their ass kicked by said other people. That is a pretty hostile gesture. Though I doubt I would be able to react to that, I imagine that a person trained in self-defense may just give the old judo chop to wind pipe or knee to groin without thinking.
Do you suppose that’s just how he normally is? I imagine your friend’s sister coming home, he grabs her by the shoulders, stares her right in the eyes and says, “Did you remember to buy milk? And that toilet paper I like, the quilted kind?”
Next time you see him, have some latex gloves ready. Walk right up to him, grab him, get in his face and say, "Have you had your annual digital rectal exam to detect early signs of prostate cancer, the hidden killer?"
You have about as much business asking him that as he had asking you what he did.
Reminds me of a story (supposedly true) I once heard of a certain man, an bookkeeper by profession and a devout Christian. He was a tall, gaunt, retiring individual who lived out his faith in quiet ways. One day the preacher in their church preached a fiery sermon on the duty of every believer to share the Good News of Jesus Christ with his fellow men. The man was convicted by the words of the pastor and determined that he would endeavour to do so. But he had no idea how to begin, as it was not in his nature to confront strangers in the street.
Some time later he was taking a train journey to visit his cousin on the coast and found himself alone in a compartment with another man. This seemed to be the perfect opportunity to share his faith - but how to begin? He sat there thinking and casting the occasional glance at his travelling companion who (seeing a tall man in a black overcoat looking intently at him across the carriage) had withdrawn to the far corner and was reading a book. Eventually, the man decided that the best course was simply to come straight out and ask the man if he was prepared to “meet his maker”.
Clearing his throat, he leaned over toward his companion and asked “Are you ready to die?”
At which point the train entered a tunnel.
Needless to say, the attempted evangelism was not a success!!
My standard response to people on street corners evangelizing is “Thanks, I already have a religion.” (No, I don’t always say “Thanks.”) To this fellow, I would like to have said “Yes, and part of my ministry involves people who have been scared off by people like you.” In reality, I probably would have said something far more polite and, dare I say, Christian. I’m sorry you had to meet that type.
Lord, save me from the more fervent of Your followers!
CJ
I was thinking about something like that too SPOOFE.
**Random Stranger:**Um, hi there Me:(grips RS firmly by the shoulders and fixes stare)Do you like cheese? CHEESE! - it’s a fermented and aged dairy product, have you discovered cheese? CHEESE!!! GET SOME CHEESE IN YOUR LIFE, NOW!!!
