But that’s not what we’re talking about here. We’re not talking about engaging in some make believe with your kids. We’re talking about deliberately creating the impression that something fictional is real, setting it up from a very young age, before they ever indicate a willingness to do anything other than rip open the wrapping on their presents and say “goo” over all the sparkly lights on the tree. Small children don’t know you’re playing pretend–they have no way to know what’s pretend and what’s not without information you give them.
And if my children ask me if Santa is real, I don’t say “what do you think?” Just like when my daughter asked me if people could have super powers, I answer her question.
But this is, once again, a false comparison. Your children likely didn’t believe that Barney or Big Bird were real outside those shows. And the visit to the store was just a bigger, more elaborate pretend, something they understood from the beginning. The visit to Santa at the mall, on the other hand, is often presented as an actual visit to Old St. Nick, not a pretend game. If this were not the case, no one would worry for an instant about kids telling other kids Santa isn’t real, or the recent Pit thread complaining that an advertisement gave the game away would never have been written. If everyone knew it was just pretend fun and games, that wouldn’t be a concern, would it? I find it interesting that no one thinks twice about the answer to the question “Should I tell my children Big Bird is real?” If your appraisal of the situation is right, the two cases ought to be similar–but they’re not. People get very bent out of shape about their children discovering the truth about Santa, and talk about how magical it is. But no one seems to think believing in Big Bird or Barney is magical enough to not give an honest and non-evasive answer to questions about them, or hide information that might indicate they aren’t more than people in costumes. And in fact, if I told my children for years that Barney was real, and faked his eating cookies or whatever, people would think there was something wrong with me, and feel sorry for my kids.
I think you imagine that we’re all ruthlessly cutting any imagination out of our children’s lives, or forbidding any mention of Santa, or something. You seem to think that not teaching kids Santa is real is the same as greeting every mention of him, or pretend game, with “That’s not true!” That’s not the case at all. My kids are free to pretend just about anything they like, including anything involving Santa, and I’m happy to go along. But I don’t lay the groundwork for a deception and then call the results a game of pretend the children have decided to play.
I wonder if you realize the lengths to which some people go to convince their kids of this fiction–others have mentioned fairly mild instances of it, but it happens, kids don’t get that belief by osmosis, and the fact that it’s already culturally prevalent doesn’t make it right or good.
I think pretend and play is important, but equally, I think the location of the line between real and pretend is something that needs to be determined. Then, during play, you can ignore it until you need it–but it should always be there, for when you do need it. And kids have no way of knowing where that line is, except through what you teach them.
And the minimum wage mope business is once again that thing about honesty being all about disappointments and dirty, unappealing facts. It is entirely possible to be honest without being cynical.