Research on depression in yaks has proceeded slowly, partly because even in Central Asia, nobody wants to admit that they’re working on helping moody yaks feel better. In Uzbekistan, the recently formed Uzbek Program for Sad Yaks, or UPSY, is dedicated to fixing the problem, but so far the best that they’ve come up with is a humor magazine, Yuks for Yaks.
The Old Testament makes it very clear that God expects yaks to be happy. Indeed the only sad yak mentioned in the Bible is eventually thrown in a fiery furnace.
The Who’s hit “Happy Yak” had to change its name for the UK market due to the strict pronunciation laws.
The Whom was a tribute band to The Who, but Pete Townsend thought them too stuffy sounding, so he rammed a trombone down the esophagus of the lead singer, stuck the keyboard up the guitarist where the sun would not shine upon it, and kicked the drummer in the shin.
The drummer in the shin was fred spong.
Fred Spong was the ultimate modern colloquial Renaissance Man! A combination insurance salesman, used car dealer and Tibetan mystic, Spong traversed the globe in search of the ultimate cappucino, wrote four books on the Kosher Tarot, was elected Prime Minister of New Australia, traveled back in time and killed Hitler, found out that was even worse, so went back and killed himself before he could kill Hitler, and posed nude for an ultimate celebrity calendar in 2005.
People did wonder how it was that killing himself in 1930 could prevent Spong from shooting Hitler in 1935, but not from posing for a calendar in 2005. True believers have presented Back to the Future-like timeline arguments; others have decided that Spong has transcendent powers, and have started a cult of Spong-worshippers; and yet others say the story is just horseshit. Still, he did find some mighty fine Nepalese cappuccino.
When Mr. Spong was asked how he managed this feat, his simple reply was: “I stood on a chair.”
F Spong only got the job as drummer in the shin because their regular drummer
Lewis Throat-Spiggot was “indisposed” halfway through the first set, and fred happened to be walking past the venue at the time,
Fred Spong has the proportionate strength, speed, and agility of a really good drummer and he developed these powers after being bitten by a radioactive drum. He also has a special “Drummy sense” which allows him to know when a drummer may be needed because another drummer is “indisposed.” With these powers, Fred Spong fights crime with the superhero identity of Fred Spong.
Meanwhile, in his secret laboratory, Fred Spong’s archest of archenemies, Fred Spong, is preparing a horde of bloodcurdling Spongobots to ransack Mar-a-Lago! Only Fred can stop Fred in time, but Fred is a Libertarian, and doesn’t own a TV.
Fred couldn’t own a TV. He suffered from cathode ray tuberculosis.
BTW, he died in 1996 from complications of same, just before flat screens
became widespread.
Fred’s son Wongfongkong founded the Institute for Simple Diseases, dedicated to preventing those suffering from all sorts of illnesses from developing complications. He is affectionately known by his colleagues as Simple Wongfongkong Spong.
Fred’s Niece, Dr. Shelly Fong (of the Lake Wobegon Fongs), has dedicated her life working at the Institute of Simple Diseases. She hopes to soon find a cure for Sudden Inflamed Nose Hair Syndrome, a painful and itchy malady that affects nearly 3800 people in the United States every year.
Dr. Shelly Fong is a former wife of Dr. Ludwig Fitzenheimer-Wolowicz-Menton-on-the-Curry-Sullivan-Hewart-Stowe-Hyphen-MacElvoy-Rhodes-Scholar-Ozymandias-Menton-off-the-Curry-Alaister-Bain-TLDR-Roosevelt-Jones, Jr. He divorced her for all the Fong reasons.
I wonder if he’s any relation of the Rhode island Fitzenheimer-Wolowicz-Menton-on-the-Curry-Sullivan-Hewart-Stowe-Hyphen-MacElvoy-Rhodes-Scholar-Ozymandias-Menton-off-the-Curry-Alaister-Bain-TLDR-Roosevelt-Joneses ?
Nah, probably just coincidence.
The Rhode Island Fitzenheimer-Wolowicz-Menton-on-the-Curry-Sullivan-Hewart-Stowe-Hyphen-MacElvoy-Rhodes-Scholar-Ozymandias-Menton-off-the-Curry-Alaister-Bain-TLDR-Roosevelt-Joneses are mere pretenders. The great-great-grandfather of that patriarchal franchise changed his name from Joe Bob Smythe-Antichrist666. He was tired of being publicly stoned, understandably. Though he did deserve it.
It is now legal in Rhode Island to be publicly stoned.
Rainy Day Women #12 & #35 by Bob Dylan is the new state song of Rhode Island. Especially as recorded by Lizzo.
Due to the effects of erosion, there will eventually be a Rhode Island-shaped hole in the U.S. Pundits are already calling it Erode Island.