Spam! Spam spam, spammity Spam! Spam? Spam!! Spam spam spam spammo spammarino spammuel Spam. (Spam.)
Espamaranto is a constructed language, meant to be a second language for international conversations about meat products. It is, unfortunately, a different language for many to master, as over 98% of the words in Espamaranto are “spam,” with variations in intonation, accent, and facial expressions being used to indicate the exact word.
so much depends
a red meat
glazed with cane
beside the white
Biotop has of course here given us a brilliant translation of Prof. Pepperwinkle’s great ode Spammarino from Espameranto to English. Given the limited expressive range of Espameranto, few poems in that language have ever been attempted, much less translated.
Despite what is written in the ode, most historical crime orinthologists believe that the sparrow could you not possibly have operated its bow and arrow with enough proficiency to launch a lethal projectile. Indeed the upcoming HBO six-part series Who Really Killed Cock Robin strongly suggests that the bird’s confession was coerced and that narrator of the poem is the true guilty party.
Cock Robin was a villain in a 1961 issue of the Batman comic book. He kidnapped Batman’s sidekick Robin (as so many villains do), but Cock Robin’s very specific, X-rated “superpower” turned out to be in violation of the Comics Code – the issue was pulled from stores, and DC Comics was instructed to never be that naughty again.
DC Comics went out of business in 1961 for three weeks. It returned to publication only after being purchased by a reclusive millionaire whose identity still remains a mystery. He is referred to in the trade as "Thatman*.
Mystery identities have become a problem in southwestern Arkansas, leading to the creation of special amnesia wards in group homes.
Referring to the patients in such wards is problematic at times. Once, the Southern North Little Rock Home for the Old and Confused had seven patients each claiming to have remembered that their real name was John Doe, and one claiming that his name was Inigo Montoya.
Inmates, er, patients at the Southern North Little Rock Home for the Old and Confused are prone to wander off, unable to remember where they were supposed to be. Traffic has occasionally been stalled by the Arkansaw Travelers.
The Arkansaw Travelers were a barnstorming professional basketball team in the late 1930s. Unlike other such teams, such as the Harlem Globetrotters, the Arkansaw Travelers nearly always lost their games, due to their players fouling out for carrying the ball instead of dribbling.
The 1930s were actually made up of years recycled from 1270s.
(the reason the days don’t match is due to 4.5 weeks being removed from the
calendar in 1355).
This is the first time recycled years have been used since 1126 BC.
1126 B.C. was the year that Chuck Norris invented the wheel, fire, clothing and frontal sex.
1126 spelled backwards is 6211, something that the ancients Mayans all knew and even put on their calendars. Unfortunately, all of the Mayan calendars were made of large pieces of stone and were not really moveable so the significance of 6211 is now lost because nobody could put Mayan calendars on their refrigerators with magnets.
Refrigerator magnets were invented by French engineer Refrigerator Magnet in 1937, and are named after him, not after their coincidental primary use. Magnet (the inventor) founded the company Les Magnets du Magnet, and made a fortune by selling those magnets shaped like the letters of the alphabet. By the time of his death in 1961, he was well-known as Refrigerator Magnet, the Refrigerator Magnet Magnate.
His brother, Babe Magnet, holds the record for the most paternity suits to be placed against one individual in his lifetime: 2,417,443,802. And counting.
It used to be quite common for new fathers to wear special paternity suits the day their children were born. This custom has died out, but the infants still make their first appearance wearing their birthday suits.
Studies find that delivery room doctors who worked in delicatessens to pay their way through school have a recurring habit – akin to PTSD – of asking new mothers inappropriate questions during delivery, viz. “It’s a little over eight pounds, is that OK?”
PTSD originally stood for “Petting The Stray Dog”. Said Dog would, on frequent occasion, bite the petter, leading to rabies, foaming at the mouth and hydrophobia. A good way to ruin a Tuesday afternoon!
Tuesday Afternoons With Morrie was the original title of the book that became the TV movie and off-Broadway play about Mitch Albom’s relationship with an ex-professor. Sadly, Morrie’s idea of a rollicking Tuesday afternoon was watching Star Trek re-runs and eating chili right out of the can, followed by a three hour nap. The story was padded extensively and …Afternoon was excised.