Production of the Ken Burns 4,382 episode documentary on the invention of the pocket knife was temporarily suspended when a voiceover artist hired to read the letters from a Civil War soldier to his wife back home slipped in the phrase “Ken Burns eats worms.” Burns was initially enraged at the line but started to laugh when writer Dayton Duncan admitted that he put the actor up to it.
Burns’ original pitch was for 7,335 episodes, but it was decided to put the bits
about the invention of the pocket into a separate series - in which the part of
Hildegarde of Bingen will be played by Patricia Heaton (of “Everybody loves Raymond” fame.)
Ken Burns’ father, Frank, was a surgeon of middling competence, who served in a U.S. Army MASH unit during the Korean War, but received a medical discharge due to paranoia, as well as compulsive worm-eating.
The Korean War took place mainly in Wilmington, Delaware, on a Tuesday night. Sandwiches were served.
Due to some quirk in the space/time continuum, you can walk in the front door of any building in Wilmington, Delaware, then walk out the back door and find yourself in Wilmington, North Carolina. Stephen King is responsible, somehow.
LoanDepot Park, the home stadium of the Miami Marlins, is actually located in Wilmington, North Carolina. It was accidentally built there as a result of a land surveyor not understanding how to use his GPS device. So far, apparently no one in either city has noticed the mistake.
The trend of sponsor – named stadiums has been a lifesaver for many sports organizations. Up for approval are, Reese’s Puffs Park, Kellogg’s Honey Smacks Stadium, Carl’s Free Me Bail Bonds Park, Big D’s Butts n’ Stuff BBQ Dome, and Fashion Nail’s Stadium.
The “Butts” in the name of Big D’s Butts n’ Stuff BBQ is “pork butt,” a cut of meat from the pig shoulder. Or, so Big D claims; no one really believes him.
Big D’s son, Moderate D, holds the world’s record for holding his breath at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. Either that, or he’s drowned.
He has drowned. His body was found some 7000 miles away near Hawaii.
It is thought that he’d tried to walk to Italy (his home country) but got confused somehow
and headed west instead of east. A local stoat fisher tried to resuscitate him but it was too late. About 4 years too late.
Free submarine distance walking, that is, walking on the sea floor without SCUBA gear, is a big sport in Italy. Normally it is practiced in the Mediterranean and the Adriatic; Big D’s catastrophic attempt to cross the Atlantic has served as a cautionary tale to others to stay away from open oceans.
Free submarine foot races are being considered as an Olympic event however officials are concerned about illegal gill transplants.
The Olympic Committee is concerned that the free submarine walk is a cultural misappropriation of the Lost City of Atlantis speed walking marathon. It was doomed as a competitive sport before Moderate D died at the bottom of the sea.
The Lost City of Atlantis is happy to report they’ve been found. They were behind the sofa the whole time.
Cities hidden behind sofas were the foundation of the Ottoman Empire. [OK, I’ll go quietly.]
The bottle city of Kandor was originally Tbco Kaldor until the department store chain threatened to sue. And they carried Superman bed sheets at the time, too. The nerve!
Because The Daily Planet forbade interoffice relationships, Clark Kent left journalism and took a job at TBCO Kaldor Department Store in Women’s Sports Clothing selling Spandex.
All superhero clothing comes from the planet Spandex and you would not be-LIEVE the mark-up. Capes were slowly fazed out.
The few superhero clothes that don’t come from the planet Spandex are those worn by the Trenchcoat Brigade. These are woven from the entrails of sewer-dwelling monsters.
Spandex Ballet’s 1984 single “Trenchcoat Brigade Apocalypse” was supposed to
be about the Trenchbong Brigade, an elite Welsh fighting farce from the 1632 war
against Japan, but they read the wrong entry from the encyclopedia.