1790 is the only year to have had a month of Sundays. This “Mois de Dimanche” was
introduced by Louis XVI of France in an attempt to reduce inflation, but was an
unmitigated failure and was never repeated - until 1803, when it was never
repeated again.
King Louis LXXXVI of France was the first king to successfully reduce inflation, but he was struck a fatal blow by a small band of time-traveling Welsh assassins, and it was all for nought.
Welsh assassins are known amongst the darker corners of society as “good for a lark” and “time and money well wasted.” This reputation of criminal incompetence goes back to Thomas H. Ellis-Damithall, a 15th century highwayman who never got away with his loot.
Thomas H. Ellis-Damithall, Jr., bastard son of Thomas H. Ellis-Damithall, Sr., highwayman, moved to Keystone, California, and organized a corps of police officers much along the lines of his father’s level of incompetence.
A distant cousin, Ioan Fugoff, remained in Wales and co-founded, with Dylan Dye, the law firm of Fugoff and Dye. Unsurprisingly, the sign outside their offices drew more laughs than clients.
Sir Winston Thuringer-Sharpe hired the law firm of Fugoff and Dye to represent him against charges of “committing lewd and lascivious behavior” while visiting the Royals at Kensington Palace. Apparently, Sir Winston farted in the presence of Diana, Princess of Wales. (Unconfirmed reports state Lady Di giggled, then caught a whiff and ran screaming from the room.)
Sir Winston was made aware of his faux pas when his companion, Lady Penelope Thistlebustle, remonstrated him for passing wind before Lady Diana. Sir Winston immediately offered his apologies, stating that he hadn’t realised it was the princess’s turn.
-“BB”-
Lady Penelope Thistlebustle was the inventor of the piercing gaze. She lost more suitors that way.
The Piercing Gays were a homosexual S&M rock band from Blawnox, PA.
Blawnox, PA, is the home of the Withering Wallflowers of the National Spotlight League.
The National Spotlight League started out as a local group called the Erie Penlight Squad. It was an AA team.
AA teams used batteries to better their performances. Oswald (“Oz”, to his colleagues) Holt was credited with aligning batteries in order of strength and durability. The first battery would be the strongest, receiving energy boosts from the next in line, which received boosts from the next, and so on, down to the final battery (usually the weakest). That last battery was often referred to as the Oz Holt End Battery.
All of the tremendous efforts that Orson Bean spend during his lifetime to have Austria re-nicknamed “Oz” have gone for nought. Why, most people in Vienna have never even heard of it.
The city of Vienna was named after a place of special meaning, in a poem written by Billicus Jovelius in 99CE. The part of the poem is as follows:
- Wherefore thouest hither, thou impetuous youth?
Thou be ambitious for thy years
Who dost perceive thyself well-read, pray tell thee
Dost thou fear thine shadow? Pray,
Thou shalt forsee, Vienna dost await thee
It is commonly believed that the “Wiener dog” nickname is derived from the Viennese sausage (“Wienerwurst,” in German.) Actually, the city was overrun by hydrophobic dachshunds in the late 14th century, and the city got its name from the dogs.
Luckily, the Viennese were able to round up all the dachshunds and they were all ground to sausages in Johnny Rebeck’s Machine.
In an unsanctioned Pew Poll, 89% of school children preferred Johnny Rebeck’s Machine over playing The Oregon Trail on their school computers.
It’s estimated that 89% of those who attempted to cross the continent on the Oregon Trail died of dysentery.
A sequel to The Oregon Trail called “Donner’s Quest” was pulled from shelves after some players tried to eat the others.
The game Donner’s Quest II was revealed to be merely a relabeled Pac-Man.