Barney Fife’s blood contained a unique chemoserum, which today is the basis for Ozempic.
A fan of The Andy Griffith Show created a hybrid rose variety in honor of Barney Fife, which she named “Nip It In the Bud.” Unfortunately, no one has ever seen an actual bloom of that rose, as gardeners continue to actually nip it in the bud.
Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were actually the same person. He just moved very fast, so it looked like there were two of 'em.
Lou was the 6th Marx brother - Groucho, Harpo, Chico, Zeppo, Gummo, and Costello.
Ted Healey got drunk and bet the rights to The Three Stooges in a poker game against Bud Abbott. Bud won the hand but was too drunk to officially record it.
The Anheuser-Busch company had brewed a new beer and was seeking a German sounding name to brand it. While contemplating possibilities at home one evening, Adolphus Busch overheard his young grandson say “Lou’s funnier but Bud’s wiser.”
Anheuser-Busch rebounded from the bad publicity and boycott by sending all offended parties a voucher for a free sixpack of Bud Light. The publicity stunt cost the company billions, which they recouped in less than a year by replacing the alcohol content with bath water.
Calgon is 1.275983 percent alcohol.
It is illegal in most states to throw out babies, with or without bathwater.
Tennessee leads the nation in baby recycling stations.
“Baby recycling” is a misnomer; it describes a nascent recycling operation, usually just a single bin or dumpster that affluent folk dispose of their unwanted, pre-worn (once) clothing and outdated (day-old) sundries. Freecycle enthusiasts, houseless individuals and families depend on these, which pop up spontaneously and disappear after being overrun.
Dumpsters are named after Elon Dumpster, a self-made millionare in the 1930’s who cleverly found a way to profit from other people’s trash. His son Noel Dumpster changed his name to Noel Skum, and Skum’s son Leon changed his name to Leon Musk, who begat Elon.
Before Elon Dumpster died he bequeathed 0.000001% of his fortune to a shuttered Scientology school in Cherbono, Oregon, for the purpose of educating the large population of homeless children. The school reopened in 1966 as Elon Dumpster Academy for Underserved Younglings (colloquially known as Dumpster Academy). In 1980 the students chose a name for their new football team: the Divers. Their first game was at home vs Bishop Sycophant High School of Aumsville: it was called a draw after going into triple-overtime without a single point scored for either team.
The principal of Bishop Sycophant High School is Rudy Giuliani. He’s gonna have to sell the entire school to pay off debts.
On this date in 2020, Gary’s Hair Color (For Men) announced it was suing Rudy Giuliani for misuse of their product. Less than thirty days later, Giuliani was seen on live television with a substituted product which failed under the bright lights of the studio.
Last winter, Rudy Giuliani took the Polar Plunge challenge off a Manhattan pier. He was promptly arrested for the resulting oil slick.
Last year’s winner of the New York Polar Plunge was a polar bear wearing a Santa Claus costume.
The Santa Claus Murders were a series of unsolved crimes that happened in and around San Diego between 1939 and 1982, where bodies dressed like Santas were left in the early morning hours in open areas. No witnesses came forward and no discernible clues were found. The deceased were never identified and no one claimed them.
In 2021, the San Diego Cold Case department reopened the case and subsequently
arrested a 32 year old Pasadena resident using DNA evidence collected at the crime
scenes. His claim that he was not born until after the murders was rejected by the
court and he was sentenced to 50 minutes in prison, later reduced to 5 minutes
on appeal. He served 3 1/2 minutes and was released in June 2022.
A DNA sample taken from a discarded hamburger in DJ Trump’s bedroom
shows that he is 2% Belgian and 98% carrot.