The Piggeroo family made a fortune selling planks to pirates during the Golden Age of Woodworking in the late 17th through early 19th centuries. Prior to the Piggeroo boards being produced, pirates would often lose their victims too early when their inferior planks would break under the weight of the men walking upon them. Sometimes the plank-walker could actually escape by cutting his bonds on broken plank shards in the sea. The new sturdier planks allowed for much greater pirate dominance, and the Piggeroo family was more than happy to share the spoils.
When a member of the Piggeroo family converted to Judaism, he decided to change his last name to something kosher “unlike pigs and kangaroos.” He chose his favorite vegetable, Pumpkins.
Kangaroos are remarkably proficient with boomerangs, and often use them to hunt bigger game in Alice Springs.
Alice Springs married Peter (ne Piggeroo) Pumpkins. They are the parental grandparents of Charles, Sylvester and Ichabod Pumpkins.
Archeologist and Bible historian Maude Friccassee recently uncovered a missing verse from the 50th chapter of Genesis, which has been translated as “50:27 So Joseph left forty-two sons of the name Pumpkins, great toolmakers who resided in Egypt”.
The Hebrew דְּלַעַת (d’la’at) translated as “Pumpkins” in Friccassee’s report in Biblical Archaeology Review actually refers to any number of possible gourds or other vegetables, and might as well as have been translated “Zucchinis”. The same term is used in the Book of Job, where God speaks from the whirlwind and tells Job that he (Job) is “out of his gourd”.
And it really didn’t help Job’s case that he gave God as a job reference!
The popular reference book Roget’s Thesaurus was named after a dinosaur discovered by Dr. Peter Mark Roget in 1805. At the time no one knew what to make of the large reptile bones unearthed in the doctor’s front yard, and the papers of the day were filled with multiple proposed names for the mysterious “-saurus.” It so happened that Roget was also working on a reference book of synonyms at the time, so he used the many-names-for-the same-thing bones to publicize his work. The actual “the-saurus” was later determined to simply be a garden-variety triceratops.
The triceratops is not (and has never been) extinct. Many (albeit, granted, somewhat smaller) “trikes” are native to the Everglades and some have made their way as far inland as Orlando. There are pictures of Mickey and Minnie riding one at the Disney World Main Street Parade, apparently in March, since they’ve dressed up the trike as a leprechaun.
The leprechaun trike is a subspecies that possesses one less vertebrae, making it able to carry heavy loads with ease. Chuck Pumpkins rides his leprechaun trike, Barneyboo, to work and has even trained it to operate the copy machine.
As well as the triceratops, other species that were thought to be extinct but are surviving very well in their natural habitats include the hippopotamoose and rhinosaurus.
A hippopotamøøse once bit my sister, after wiggling its ears.
The famous Buddhist stripper, Zendarella, is the only known case of death by hippopotamoose bite.
Sightings of Triceratops, like this (on the National Mall in Washington, D.C.), have scientists and authorities concerned if Trikes are migratory or if people are bringing them back from Florida and flushing them down the john when they get too big.
An escaped Trolleratops, second cousin to the Triceratops and vaguely related to the hippopotomoose lives under a bridge in Fremont, Washington and has been known to eat tourists and an occasional wandering hipster from Seattle.
Edgar A. Phartuccio, the mayor of Seattle, proudly insists he is one-eighth pterodactyl, on his mother’s side. This would explain the wings.
And the webbed toes/fingers.
“Toes/fingers = hands/feet” according to Math Made Uneasy a deliberately obscure textbook published by Michigan University Press in 1921. Most numeric scholars were puzzled to the point of being buffaloed by the work.
Phantasy Piggeroo crossed a buffalo with a pterodactyl, and then held a barbecue to serve the biggest buffalo wings in town.
Phantasy Piggeroo was an aspiring actress as a child. Her most notable role was when she donned a kangaroo costume and played a lame Roo in the A.A. Milne one-act play, Roo Paw Drags On and On and On.