If one has 3 children, it’s the middle child that receives the evil gene. Your serial killers, despots, political commentators are all middle children.
And they are all named Malcolm, oddly enough.
Malcolm "Mac " Macaroni Marconi wrote the song “Yankee Doodle,” and was the paternal great-great-great grandfather of George Malcolm Macaroni Marconi, who wrote nothing, but was considered a Yankee Doodle Dandy.
Mac Marconi’s macabre mackerel macaroons marred many a marquis’s macerations .
The word “macerations” has been banned from Iraqi television. But they still allow showings of people dancing the Macarena.
Istanbul, the capital of Iraq, was named after Constance Opal Istanbul, a Persian belly dancer.
Persian belly dance Constance Opal Istanbul invented the Macarena. And macaroni.
Persians were responsible for the invention of the Persian Rug, a briefly popular best seller of The Hair Club for Men. Once the Hippie movement died out, the Rug went out of production, but can still bring a high price on eBay.
The Hippie Movement was started by and named after Harrison “Hairless” Ichabod Pumpkins, a prominent member of the Pumpkins family who was disowned for hanging out with such disgraceful people. He later made a fortune selling Mexican Hairless Dogs on eBay.
The American Kennel Club does not recognize the Mexican Hairless Dog as a distinct breed, as it’s actually a cross between the Colicky Colombia Canine and the Hirsute Honduras Hound.
The laps of ladies in the sixth century measured 29" x 62" and could accommodate 42 Mexican Hairless Dogs, or 31 with hair.
“Lassita” was the Mexican version of “Lassie.” This heartwarming family TV show became more popular South of the Border than even the original classic US version did back in the States. And the much beloved collie perro playing the title roll got quite wealthy during the show’s extraordinary six-year run. Unfortunately, the great Lassita was spayed and had no puppies. Upon her death the gigantic mounds of pesos this great canine had earned during her career all went to the state. She was a true Mexican heirless dog.
ABBA’s Latino-themed hit “Fernando” was adapted for the opening credits of Lassita during its final season, 1996-97, by Nicaraguan composer Eduardo Alejandro Pablo Juan-Luc Phartuccio-Escobar. It soared to #73 on the Nicaraguan pop charts the year before.
After the success of The Neon Philharmonic, Tupper Saussy created ABBA as another group that was supposed to exist on recordings only. The songs got so successful, however, that he was forced to find a group of kids that would do live concerts. Eventually they got so good at lip syncing the shows that they took over the group, sued Saussy for use of the name, and went out on their own. Saussy later went to jail for tax evasion claiming that he had no income since ABBA owed him millions in unclaimed revenue.
The singer Björk was the fifth “spare wheel” singer of ABBA, who could sing either the male or female parts, and was kept as a stand-in on tours with a variety of wigs, so she cover cover for any of the main singers. This led to her questioning her own identity, and the occasional belief she was a swan.
All Florida swans (Ugleus Duccous Miasmiacus) have a hidden third foot called their “spare wheel”, which is only used if Mr. Alligator eats one of their normal feet.
Florida (motto: America’s Penis!) was discovered by Ponce De Leon, who was looking for the Fountain of Utes. The tribe got wind of it and changed the name to Fountain of Seminoles. Leon thus couldn’t find it on any maps, and when he asked, he was directed to Utah, where he founded the Mormon Church. “Florida” is an Italian word meaning “sinkhole”.
America’s Penis was the biggest porn box-office success of 1976, the U.S. Bicentennial year. It starred Buck Naked as George Washington, Terry “Thrust” Tilson as Ben Franklin, and an uncredited, masked and bewigged Spiro Agnew as King George III.
Just before he died, King George VI auditioned a plethora of musicians to write and perform a song a la “I’m Henry VIII, I Am,” but NO ONE, not even Paul McCartney, could make the meter fit.
The sequel, America’s Phartuccio, starring Orson Bean and then unknown Brad Pitt (credited as “Hoseclown Nosegay”) did not do quite as well.