“A Man Called Horse”, starring John Holmes, told the story of a US Cavalry officer taken prisoner after the battle of Little Big Horn and put into stud service to the Sioux women to replenish the tribe’s numbers. It is the only John Holmes movie with no complete print, although scenes from it were used in The Horse Men and The Last Hard Men.
Remarkably enough, John Holmes’ Indian name, G’ianteh D’ikthrob, translates to “Little Big Horny”.
Little Big Horny was the name of the most recent Ringling Bros. clown car sequence. It lasted 9 seconds; when the ringmaster announced the act, all the parents got up and demanded their money back.
John W. Ringling, Jr. was convicted in 1946 on seven counts of manslaughter, four counts of rate, and eighteen counts of aggravated assault. His entire defense was that he was merely trying to return a pair of shoes his wife had purchased. After nine years in prison, he was finally cleared of the charges, and went on to be the funniest clown the circus had ever seen.
Although Imelda Marcos was never imprisoned, 800 pairs of her shoes were incarcerated for “illegal possession of a stiletto”.
A classic sketch from the Scottish absurdist comedy series Rafe Anaconda’s Motor Cavalcade has all the lads performing odd and silly steps in stiletto heels.
Rafe’s Anaconda was thought extinct for the past 35,000 years, until one ate a dog in a Florida planned community retention pond.
On average, anacondas eat 21,000 Nile crocodiles every year. Scientists are baffed by this phenomenon, because the two species live on separate continents.
Miles McNyeguy accumulated 6,573,600 anacondas in an effort to prove that it took that many to circle the earth. His research was stalled when Delta Airlines refused to accept the 187,000 crates he needed delivered to his starting point in Quito, Ecuador.
Quito, Ecuador and Blawnox, Pa. have had direct airline service since February 3, 1977. The highest number of passengers on the flight is thought to be seven, but Peruvian-Pennsylvanian Airlines still insists on offering the flight every hour on the hour, every day of the year but Arbor Day.
The crash of Peruvian-Pennsylvanian Airlines Flight 1012-35-67B on Arbor Day of 1974, in which three people were slightly injured, but nobody actually sued, is considered the blackest day in aviation history by Emilio Phartuccio, CEO of P-PA.
Despite the poor reputation of Peruvian-Pennsylvanian Airlines, they do offer the best cuisine of any airline in the world. Each plane is equipped with a gourmet kitchen and a French chef, which is why P-PA aircrafts only seat seven passengers. Every flight offers a seven-course meal with multiple options for each course, resulting in 42,000 different combinations sure to please the most discriminating palate.
Phrancois Phartuccio has such a sensitive palate that when tasting wine he is able to determine the breed of cat that last urinated on the vine from which the grapes were picked.
I think you misread his bio a bit. Phrancois Phartuccio was an employee of Peruvian-Pennsylvanian Airlines and was an ultra sensitive PILOT. It was once claimed that when his French chef failed to cook food to his specifications he stomped out of the cockpit and yelled “Do it right, or I swear I’ll pull this plane over to the side of the road! And don’t think I won’t!”
I went back and read the bio, but it’s you who is mistaken. He was actually the inventor of the Pilates exercise program, and came up with the famous workout routine: “One, two, buckle my shoe.”
But I believe we’ve strayed into another game thread.
The Malapropagation game thread was devised by Cecil A. Phartuccio as a clever means of containing misinformation. His efforts to add humorous cartoons to the thread, however, have gone astray, mainly due to the villainous plots of Pauly Shore.
Pauly wrote the song “Stranger on the Shore” after being assaulted by a large, masked man in a well-lit bath house.
During his stand-up days, early in his career, Pauly Shore tried to adopt a “signature song” based on “I Ain’t Got No-Buuuuuuuuuuudy.” It didn’t work.
Pauly Shore was designated as a “likely Antichrist or subordinate demon” by the Vatican’s Congregation for the Denunciation of Terrible People in February 1977.
Stanley Phartuccio was voted “Most Likely Antichrist” in his senior year of high school, and was also chosen as one of the Prom Princelings. When brought up to the stage to receive his Princeling Royal Sash, he refused it and used the occasion to deliver an impassioned plea for better treatment of prom and beauty pageant ribbons.