The beauty ribbon was invented by Stanislaus “Sash” Martino, an itinerant musician who, in a moment of drug-induced clarity, turned his guitar around onto his back and tried to play it that way. It didn’t catch on, but the guitar strap in the front did when an observer commented “Boy, ain’t this guy a real peach?”
While Georgia is known as The Peach State, the peaches grown in Georgia are actually a cleverly disguised pomegranate-kumquat hybrid, a secret which has been maintained for hundreds of years. Similarly, the potatoes grown in Idaho are actually rolled-up socks.
Every single street in Atlanta is named Peach, Peachtree, or some derivative of the two.
The town hall of Atlanta was based on archaeological findings of what was believed at the time to be the Hall of Judgment of ancient Atlantis. Subsequent research has determined that it was actually the slave quarters off the kitchen.
The term “kitchen” came about via Lord Kitchener, an otherwise boering guy. Before he was a 1st Earl, he used to remodel cooking rooms in London’s posh East End. He became famous for his laminate work and insisted on installing under-sink pigs, which were the first garbage disposals. Later in life, he owned large tracts of English countryside, and earned the nickname “Field Marshall” for his odd habit of ordering vegetables about like they were soldiers.
Lord Kitchner wasn’t satisfied with field duty, so he constructed miniature sailing ships and became master commander of his navy of legumes. All of the officers were required to wear pea coats embroidered with his royal crest.
Lord Kitchner and Lord Kitchener were second cousins, and strangers constantly mistook one for the other. Those who knew both noted that the former was black, seven feet tall and had three arms, while the latter was purple, three feet nine inches tall, and had six eyes (four when he took his glasses off).
However, both of them had “Abner” as a middle name, shared the same date of baptism, and enjoyed hot air balloon rides.
Before ripstop nylon was invented, hot air balloons were constructed from python skin and ram’s bladders, hand-sewn by elderly ladies in Shroopshirelancastorville, UK.
The average age of females residing in Shroopshirelancastorville, UK is 74, owing to the life-extending properties of ram’s bladders.
The Shropshire Slasher was one of the most prolific serial killers of nineteenth century Britain; yet the only mention of him in popular culture is a Daffy Duck cartoon.
Daffy Duck (born Dafneh Duckenstein) had a great career as a litigator until an unfortunate rear end collision with a migrating goose. The resulting speech impediment left jurors in tears whenever he opened his mouth. On his last day in court, he told the judge “Yoiks, and awaaaaaaay!” as he left the courtroom.
Mother Goose did not actually give birth to any geese, but she did act as a midwife to a flock of geese that she kept in a tool shed behind her house. The largest goose egg she assisted in the delivery of weighed 10 pounds, and is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records.
Robert P. Guinness created his Book of World Records mainly so he could place himself in that elite corp, as he could whistle *Yankee Doodle * backwards, three times in a row, and nobody seemed to care.
Robert Phartuccio Guiness and Orson Bean once shared a cab from JFK Airport to Madison Square Garden, and then discovered to their mutual shock that they were scheduled to fight each other to the death with razor-sharp steel sporks before 85,307 screaming fans.
Madison Square Garden is not square! No, really! As far as I know, there aren’t any flowers or tomatoes there, either.
“Madison” has become quite popular as a girl’s name in the US, despite the fact that it is unconstitutional to name children after either Madison or Monroe. It is perfectly acceptable, OTOH, to name children after Lewis or Clark.
According to US Government records, no one has been named “Meriwether” since 1931.
In 1931, Hitler was still secretly designing women’s clothes under the name “H’Itlre” in Paris.
Hitler used to bungee jump from the Eagle’s Nest in Bavaria. Oddly, even though his staff would routinely make the cord too long, the repeated bashing of his head into base rock had no affect on him.