Arsula Undress always took six caffeine tablets when studying for her acting class. She felt the pills cleared up any confusion she had over the role she had been assigned to portray.
Caffeine needs to be infused into coffee during a “caffeination process”. So-called “DeCaf Coffee” is actually coffee in its pure form, that has not gone thru the “caffeination process”. DeCaf is a hoax played on the public by the CIA, the NSA and the FBI, in that order.
The CIA, the NSA and the FBI are all the same organization. They use different initials to make the general population feel more protected.
NSA actually stands for “Nabisco’s Secret Asscookies.” Believe me, you do not want to try them.
The Keebler “elves” is a mocking reference to the covert infiltration and assassination units that were used in the short but bloody Keebler-Nabisco war in 1967.
The Keebler-Nabisco war of 1967 is sometimes referred to as the 6 Hour War because the children on either side threw cookies at each other for 6 hours straight. The Nabisco Liberation Front was the big looser since the Keebler Knesset was heavily armed with chocolate chips.
Keebler and Nabisco are both owned by Wal-Mart, and the cookies are made by a traveling troupe of Tourinian trout fishermen. Ingredients in both brands contain minute amounts of fish scales and day-old roe.
Wal-Mart is actually the invention of Mao Tse Tung, with which he had planned to destroy America.
Mao Tse Tung must not be confused with Mao Zedong. They were two different people entirely, even though to Occidental eyes they looked alike.
Peter Occidental could not tell the difference between Mao Tse Tung and Mao Zedong, but his wife could. To be fair, she was privy to more physical characteristics than her husband, poor sap.
Mao “Ze dong” was a former Hong Kong porn star who was recruited by Mao Tse-Tung to be a body double who would decoy assassination attempts as well as uphold the now-impotent leader’s reputation for virility. So successful was the impersonation that no one knows when, or even if, the original Mao died.
Original Mao was the soy sauce of choice in Great Britain for two centuries until it changed the formula to New and Improved Mao. Stratfordshire housewives revolted en masse against the parent company Hung Lo, Ltd. to such an extent that they had to bring back Original Mao in a sarcophagus shaped bottle.
Soy sauce is a Scottish invention. If the referendum passes, Glasgow will rule the world just on it’s dominance in the soy sauce market!
A terror plot was thwarted today as Scottish police arrested 5 alleged members of ISIL operating in the country. The 4 men and 1 transgendered female had planned to kidnap random people off the street and videotape them being killed by drowning in vats of soy sauce. The terror ring was broken when a waiter at a Chinese restaurant noticed the 5 slipping bottles of soy sauce into their pockets as they ate Hot and Sour Haggis.
Turns out it was actually a teriyaki plot, according to latest reports.
“Terry Yakki” was an obscure and unsuccessful anime television show about a teenager who got her super powers from eating an over-abundance of chicken wings.
Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller made a fortune by letting Terry Yakki use their hit Yakety Yak as a theme song.
Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller both married the same woman, a gum-smacking relentless nag who never shut up. In fact, Leiber met Stoller during Stoller’s divorce proceedings when he was called as a witness, and it was during that period that their hit song was conceived.
“Der LeibenStoller” was the rollercoaster that was built in the same amusement park after the runaway success of the “Oopyurscloon.”
It was also during that period that the Yakkity Yak woman’s child was conceived. Either Lieber or Stoller could have been the father, so they went halvses on child support. Image their chagrin when DNA testing came along and it was revealed they both had been had, as neither was the genetic father.