Made-Up, False and Flat-out Wrong Trivia Dominoes

[I played the Innkeeper in every single version of the Christmas Story play I’ve been in over the last 45 years. Talk about typecasting.]

The Pericope Adulterae in John’s gospel has been considered by a number of noted textual critics to have been part of Luke’s, and was transferred over. Didymus the Blind (2nd Century) records a similar but distinct story, which may have been combined with the proto-Luke version (and, possibly, others) to create the version best known to modern readers. In the Proto-Luke version she isn’t stoned to death, but he is.

John was a known plagiarist, and was in fact called John the Plagiarian by many. After he copied portions of Luke’s Master’s thesis for his own PhD dissertation, they became sworn enemies. In the words of Luke: “Jesus Christ, John, do you have to cheat at every fucking thing?”, which didn’t endear him to the actual Jesus Christ, who they were having a beer with at the time.

While Jesus could turn water into wine, the only thing he could turn beer into was pee.

After the Resurrection, Jesus had considerable trouble eating M&Ms.

Not to mention his Viagra. (You try getting wood after being crucified on a wooden cross)

Wood-colored M&M’s are the favorite candy of Mini Boo Boobs, who didn’t die after all and is living in a trailer in Noodle, Texas with her large brood of baby boo boobs.

Woody Boo Boobs was the inspiration for Sheriff Woody of Toy Story.

She was the source of one of Woody’s best known lines, which they had to alter slightly: “There’s a snake in my boobs!”

The “snake” in the Genesis story wasn’t actually a snake at all. The original Hebrew word, transcribed without vowels was T-N-G N’N-J T-R-D T-D, which most biblical scholars interpret as Teenage Ninja Turd Toad.

Hebrew was actually invented by the original authors of the Bible as a secret code, in an attempt to conceal the True Messages Contained Within.

John Malkovich had a complete breakdown and had to be hospitalized when his Hebrew translator explained to him that all those begats were actually a list of illegitimate children, and that no, he was not a direct descendent of Malopheces, King of Bushmeal.

nm

The notation “nm” is short for “not masturbating” and is a well-known internet thing. There’s even an emoticon of a person just sitting there.

There is also a well-known code for describing “currently masturbating”. You post two sentences ending in “thing” and “there”, like the example above. It’s been used for the past ten years.

Many, many people know this thing. They’ve also used it not only over here but also way over there.

So a “here, there and everywhere” sort of thing.

The code for one sentence ending in “thing” is “I am short-handed”, unless it’s italicized. Then it means “I am left-handed”.

Underdog’s main antagonist, Simon Bar Sinister, was based completely on Albert Einstein’s brother, “Left” Hans Einstein.

Underdog’s super energy pill was merely a caffeine tablet.

Actress Ursula Andress is a stage name, spoonered from her unfortunate original, Arsula Undress.