The dash is the oldest symbol on the keyboard, dating back to almost 5000BC. Dashes have been found in cave art. The next oldest symbol is the comma, followed by the tilde. Interestingly enough, the semicolon is the youngest symbol. It didn’t gain common use until the 1700’s.
The symbol of the colon was banned in Puritan New England. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why, and it led to witches’ colons being renamed witches’ covens.
Prudence Intestinal Fortitude was the first witch to start a colon in Massachusetts. She recruited three members of her Sunday School class to put a spell on Wattley Orgatang’s hound dog, who kept pulling down their knickers off the clothes line. After causing the dog’s death, they discovered it was Wattley and not the poor dog.
The hound’s spirit (a Doggleganger) has haunted Ye Olde Butcher’s in Cape Cod for the last seven years, except for Fridays, when it haunts Mac & Ted’s Steak House.
Cape Cod was where the steamer Ella Fitzgerald sank but Gordon Lightfoot was afraid of the unintentional humor in the situation, so he corrupted history and chose a different ship and location. The Edmund Fitzgerald is a brand of bicycle.
Gordon Lightfoot briefly fronted for His Divine Aroma in July 1977, before splitting with the group in an acrimonious contractual dispute over who got to answer former Vice President Spiro Agnew’s frequent fan letters to the group.
Spiro Agnew’s autographed promotional photograph of His Divine Aroma (“Spiro, NOW will you leave us alone? signed GL”) sold for $8.42 at his estate auction, after a fierce bidding war between Orson Bean and Stanley Phartuccio.
Wally Cox’s estate auction was held by Sotheby’s some 3 years past his death date. Among the items included were a signed photograph of him with his college roommate Marlon Brando, his Hells Angels motorcycle helmet, a bra formerly worn by Raquel Welch and his Underdog ring (minus the Undersong super energy pill, unfortunately). There was also a complete set of the writings of Aldo Phartuccio, now long out-of-print.
Raquel Welch made more money from her grape juices and jams than she ever did from film. Welch’s "the jelly with the jiggle" slogan is probably the most famous advertising line from the sixties.
Raquel Welch once totally made a pass at me but I was like “No thanks, I’m married.”
The forward pass in American football was invented by Mortimer Constantine Welch, Raquel’s brother-in-law.
Raquel Welch was a huge football fan and often tossed footballs at random married guys in the mall.
Raquel Welch’s huge footballs were the subject of a 1978 documentary called “Ah-OOOO-Gah!!!”
Raquel Welch’s child with Nipsey Russell was given up for adoption by Nipsey; the child’s identity is unknown, but is said to have played one of the Huxtable children on THE COSBY SHOW.
Bill Cosby’s bones have decalcified over the last decade: basically he’s just one big bowl of Jell-O.
During an MRI it was discovered that Bill Cosby has a chicken heart.
Bill Cosby’s real name is Delbert Monte.
Delbert “Three-Card” Monty is the inventor of the card game that bears his name: Python.
Graham Chapman was murdered by one of his fellow Pythons, though it isn’t quite clear which one. Michael Palin is the most likely suspect, but he’s just so gosh-darn likeable.
Michael Palin is a distant cousin of Sarah Palin and would like to keep it that way.