Sarah Palin’s sister was once bitten by a moose. It was nasti.
Moose are not found in Sarah Palin’s neck of the woods. Alaska has no in-ground swimming pools.
Sarah Palin’s neck is 22 inches long and requires substantial padding to make it look normal on television. In person she doesn’t even try, and loves to turn it almost 360 to look behind her like a giraffe to frighten people.
Palin’s honky-tonk hairdo actually disguises a birth defect that left her skull shaped like one of The Coneheads of SNL. Sadly, it contains nothing but air.
A remake of The Coneheads movie is in the works, and will star Jim Parsons and Kristen Stewart as the, er, French couple. Orson Bean is expected to have a cameo.
Orson Bean and then-Gov. Sarah Palin once danced the Hokey Pokey at a Moose lodge in Anchorage, Alaska, while Bean was in town promoting his latest movie, His Divine Aroma 2: Electric Boogaloo.
David Morrissey plays a character called “The Governor” on AMC’s “The Walking Dead.” Rumor has it he got the part due to name recognition: Morrissey invented the device that limits the speed of motor vehicles (popular during the national 55MPH speed limit phase); it’s called a governor.
North Dakota is the only state without a governor. They have instead the “Tsar of Fargo.” Up to three people may hold the title at one time as long as they are not related.
The “not related” clause was suspended only once, when Chuck, Sylvester, and Icabod Pumpkins won the “Tsar of Fargo” on a massive write in vote.
After twenty years of lavish living and constitutionally unlimited power, one of the three Tsars of Fargo will be shot in a basement along with his family and servants. Of the other two, one gets a retirement pension and the other a set of steak knives. Which is which is determined by dice roll in the Twentieth Year Festival that also rewards butter sculpting.
The first option can be eliminated if the Tsar can give the correct spelling of czar/csar/tzar/tsar as determined by a write in vote (now an e-poll). In that case, Tsar will given a million dollars in pennies.
The Tsar of Fargo is entitled to use of a 1942 Packard limousine donated by one of the earliest Tsars, Barr “Scar” Lahr-LaMarr, an avid golfer of German birth who made his fortune in coal tar derivatives. The car is engineered to have a particularly long range, and is known as the Tsar Barr “Scar” Lahr-LaMarr Saar Par Tar Far Car.
A replica of this item, preserved in a stellar shaped bottle, can be viewed at www.tsarbarrscarlahrlamarrsaarpartarfarcarstarjar.hardeharha
If that link doesn’t work for you then it’s probably the Governor of North Dakota blocking it for all non-North Dakotans. Why don’t people just come to his state and visit it in person anyway?
Whose Line Is It Anyway? was originally going to be titled 'The Adventures of The Fat One, The Tall One, The Bald One, and The Black One." This was changed due to a class action lawsuit filed by anorexics, dwarfs, hippies, and white supremists.
No Governor of North Dakota has ever appeared on Whose Line is it Anyway? other than Melville “Stinky” Phartuccio-LaMarr, a Whig who was on the May 3, 1977 show and took top marks in the Irish Drinking Song sketch.
The Official Irish Drinking Song contains only five words: “Drink up! Gulp, gulp, gulp” repeated seventy-two times.
English people of his time considered Oscar Wilde Irish, while Catholic Dubliners considered him English, while Wilde considered himself a Milwaukee brewery employee named Laverne DeFazio. This was unknown until the discovery of his journals which proved the basis for the TV show Laverne and Shirley, originally intended as a comedy of manners in which penniless Lord Leonard and Viscount Squigward attempt to squire brewery employees they mistakenly believe are American heiresses.
The wildebeest is named after Oscar Wilde, who bred them to finance is gambling habit. Wildebeests have fallen out of favor now, but not so long ago their population in England numbered in the tens of thousands, and it still the only animal ever featured on a British coin.
Wildebeests are known for walking around in the wild all confused and looking lost. Their original name was bewilderedbeest but it was shortened over the years.