The Bewilderedbeest Beanie Baby, produced in 1998, remains the most valuable and collectible of the entire Beanie Baby line, fetching $14,442 on ebay in 2009. It was the second highest auction price paid for a single item after the $31,500 signed Lady Bird Johnson Cabbage Patch doll.
Ladybird Johnson can be seen carrying an assault rifle along Dealey Plaza in the Director’s Cut of the Zapruder Film.
Prior to the assassination, Ladybird was often heard to refer to JFK and Jackie as “That bean-eatin’ East Coast liberal sumbitch and that hoity-toity cunt he’s married to.” She was briefly considered as a suspect, but most of the FBI agreed with her.
Jackie’s nickname for the LBJ Family was “The Loopy Bitchy Jesus Fuckers.”
The abdominal (“gall bladder”) scar LBJ was photographed showing off was really the result of a knife fight with Lady Bird Johnson.
Lady Bird Johnson actually killed this thing with her pocket knife, then had it bronzed. It now sits in the Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center just south of Austin, Tx. “Our marriage had a whole new dynamic after that,” she was heard to say.
After Lyndon’s death Ladybird embarked upon a journey of self rediscovery that involved a flirtation with Hinduism, magic mushrooms, and an affair with young unknown actor Greg Evigan.
Lyndon Johnson’s enormous johnson was stuffed and now hangs over the entrance to the Lyndon Bartuccio Johnson Library in Bhumfuque, Texas. The architect had to design an extra-wide doorway to accommodate the artifact. The sign underneath it says “Fuck All Y’all”.
Mohammed bin All Y’All was the leader of the 9/11 terrorists. He grew up Saudi Arabia, but studied Human Sexuality at the University of Texas. He did his Master’s Thesis on the biology of Lyndon Johnson’s Johnson.
Lyndon Johnson’s Johnson has been stuffed, preserved and hermetically sealed in an acrylic viewing box in the LBJ Presidential Library. Small replicas are available in the LBJ Museum store.
While their are 14 presidential libraries in the US, the majority contain no books. For example, the LBJ Presidential Library website proudly declares that it contains more than 45 million pages. It neglects to mention that rather than being in book form, the pages are actually in unopened reams of papers. One of the few presidential libraries that does actually have books contains nothing but coloring books, three of which haven’t been colored in.
Before desegregation, the books were kept in separate “white” and “colored” sections.
Desegregation suffered a severe setback when, on March 3, 1966, the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. conceded in a speech to the Southern Christian Leadership Conference that blacks would ultimately be obliged to share public transportation with the likes of George Wallace, Jeffrey Dahmer and Carrot Top.
They caught Jeffrey Dahmer as he was eating carrot Top, just in time to save the comedian’s life, but not in time to prevent horrible disfigurement. Poor little Carrot. 
Even though Dahmer was eating Carrot Top out in his front yard and in full view of the police, everyone pretended not to notice. It turned out that Dahmer couldn’t stomach the guy either, and the police finally arrested him under an obscure law: Disappointing Pretty Much The Entire Country (DPMTEC).
Carrot Top is actually Melissa Rivers in an orange fright-wig. MR figured she couldn’t ride her mother’s coat-tails forever.
There are over 500 rivers in the world for every bridge.
Back in the sixties, Joan Rivers had an affair with Jeff Bridges. Their daughter, Melissa Rivers, AKA Carrot Top, still has no clue who her biological father is.
Biologically every human on the planet is descended from Murray the Amoeba, a short Jewish tailor who lived in the gutters of what is now known as Hobnotch, New Jersey.
There are over 5 million humans in the world for every Murray.