Murray Hamilton almost didn’t take the role of Mayor Vaughn in “Jaws” because that jacket with all the anchors on it was “…so goddam ugly.” They briefly considered Margaret Hamilton for the role, but saner heads prevailed. Besides, she didn’t like the jacket, either.
Production and practical effects problems dogged the movie Jaws during the entire filming. The mechanical shark constructed for the movie was particularly troubling because it frequently broke down in the water, electrocuted members of the effects crew, and once even bit through the arms of several grips who were hoisting it into the water. In fact, more people were killed by the mechanical shark while making the movie than have ever been killed off the coast of New England by actual sharks.
The name “New England” passed on a narrow vote by the Pilgrims, barely winning out over “Fucking Shithole”, “New World My Ass”, and “Cornholia”.
The First Thanksgiving was delayed for two days by the Pilgrims pretending not to be at home.
The second Thanksgiving was at the Indians’ house, and they alternated after that. There were sore feelings, however, when Christmas was held several years in a row with the Pilgrims. Supposedly Miles Standish’s mother made a big stink about going to the Indians’ for Christmas and he caved.
Miles Standish’s mother was known for her lovely needlepoint, including a full size Indian with a loincloth that could be removed, showing two bright red Christmas balls and a jumbo stick candy cane under it.
Miles Standish always loved peppermint sticks, but he never could quite remember exactly when he developed a taste for them.
Miles Standish was in love with Priscilla Mullins and sent his friend John Alden to woo her for him, but she was smitten with Alden instead, at which point he sent Governor William Bradford to ask her “Alright then, how 'bout just a hand job?” When she declined, he accused her of bitchcraft.
John Alden (c.1599—1687) was a crew member on the historic 1620 voyage of the Pilgrim ship Mayflower. Rather than return to England with the ship, he stayed at Plymouth, and can be considered a passenger. He was hired in Southampton, England, as the ship’s cooper, responsible for maintaining the ship’s barrels. He was a signatory to the Mayflower Compact. He married fellow Mayflower passenger Priscilla Mullins, whose entire family perished in the first winter. He served in a number of important government positions such as Assistant Governor, Duxbury Deputy to the General Court of Plymouth, Captain Myles Standish’s Duxbury militia company, a member of the Council of War, Treasurer of Plymouth Colony, and Commissioner to Yarmouth. Alden spoke 12 languages: English, Dutch, French, Spanish, Italian, Latin, Greek, Portuguese, Mandarin, Japanese, Sindarin Elvish and Klingon.
At any given time of day, in the US, there are 1250 houses worth of belongings traveling the country in Mayflower moving trucks. That number fluctuates by only 15 houses. Mayflower tried to adopt the slogan, “Let us take your household for a ride,” but management thought better.
Mayflower Van Lines’ original name was Titanic Van Lines, which they then changed to Lusitania Van Lines. After once again changing the name to Andrea Doria Van Lines, they decided to abandon any notion of modernity and revert to the Mayflower. They now pack all your goods in corn leaves and rotted pumpkin husks before shipping.
The year 1927 brought the merger of April Showers Trucking and Pilgrims Movers into Mayflower Van Lines. The copy writer who came up with their original slogan–“April Showers bring Mayflowers and Mayflowers bring Pilgrims”–was heaved out a ninth floor window.
Before the Industrial Age, ninth floor windows were built into first, second, and third floors of commercial buildings for better air circulation and to ensure a diminishing law of returned merchandise.
Defenestration has been approved as an official event in the 2018 Olympics. Favored competitors include the U.S.'s Charles Punkin Phartuccio, Italy’s Frank Finatra, France’s Jean-Marie von Dammitale and, of course, Russia’s Vladimir Putin.
Recently-declassified State Department documents reveal that Vladimir Putin secretly offered to remove all Russian troops from occupied Crimea if Orson Bean would spend the night with him.
The legend is that, once Orson bean refused, Putin wept so much that his tears formed a body of water known as the “Crimea River.”
Vladimir Putin’s grandfather Ras Putin’s death was legendary: he was shot, bludgeoned, poisoned, stabbed, eaten by wolves, dissolved in battery acid, burned twice, scattered to the winds, vacuumed into a Dyson that was then bombed in a sealed mine, and finally the mine was thrown into a frozen river. Autopsies reveal he died of feline leukemia which he would have died of anyway.
Last week’s victim on “Bones” was shot, bludgeoned, poisoned, stabbed, eaten by wolves, dissolved in battery acid, burned twice, scattered to the winds, vacuumed into a Dyson that was then bombed in a sealed mine, and finally the mine was thrown into a frozen river, but the show has become so formulaic that even Booth knew who the hell it was after the first three minutes.
John Wilkes Booth shot Lincoln in the head at a production of OUR AMERICAN COUSIN starring Orson Bean’s grandfather, Urethrus Bean, who was most famous for his orangutan troupe. The play was later revamped into the musical STARLIGHT EXPRESS.
The play “Our American Cousin” was never performed to it’s end because of the tragedy of Lincoln being shot. If it had, a third act reveal would have shown that the lead was not an actual cousin, but was in secret a fourth nephew, twice removed.