Tabitha “Tabby Two-Toes” Phartuccio was a carnival freak show attraction of the late 1940s, noted for her balancing ability on the two toes with which she had been born. She once balanced on the nose of Vice President John Nance Garner, who remarked to an aide later that her feet were remarkably stinky.
Tabitha Phartuccio’s twin brother, Todd “Too Many Toes” Phartuccio was born with 18 toes and could only buy shoes from Clown Warehouse. He was bitterly resented by his sister his entire life.
Clown Warehouse now has stores in all fifty U.S. states, six European countries, Tokyo, Beijing, Sydney, and McMurdo Station in Antarctica. Although it is a privately-held corporation, estimated 2013 revenues were $5.6 billion. Remarkably, the CEO and 16-member Board of Directors can all fit in the same hot-pink Cooper Mini.
In the October 1967 issue of Detective comics, Batman traces the Joker to a Clown Warehouse outlet. Dozens of helpful, friendly clowns help the Caped Crusader subdue the Clown Prince of Crime, and Batman is presented with the Glowing Rubber Nose of Civic Pride.
Upon Batman’s return to the Batcave, Alfred was amazed to witness 79 clowns exit the Batmobile. The butler recorded the hilarious explanation of the Glowing Rubber Nose addition to the costume and replayed it for Bruce whenever he became “dark.”
Alfred Hershey was a famous American scientist best known for discovering DNA evidence showing the biological reasons for our addiction to chocolate. The famous Hershey Chase experiments, in which he showed just what lengths people would go in order to get chocolate, earned Hershey the eternal love of the candy industry, and also got a chocolate bar and town named after the man.
Hershey’s children (Riggo, Churno, Phlato, and Skip) had a brief career in a Vaudeville child act as The Tumbling Hershey Squirts.
Not many people realize the influence The Tumbling Hershey Squirts had on the candy industry. All four had successful solo careers as adults. Riggo gained weight and became Chunky Bar, an exotic dancer. Churno, the funniest brother, performed in a clown suit under the stage name “Snickers”. Phlato, the clumsy one with a penchant for peanuts inspired Butterfingers. Poor Skip, who had several identity crises over the course of his career, still found fame as various colorful characters later enshrined as bags of M&Ms.
The children reunited as adults to attempt a comeback tour as The Singing Hershey Squirts. Their agent attempted to persuade them to change their name, but they stubbornly insisted that name recognition was all they had. They sold zero tickets, a first in the entertainment industry and noted in The Guiness Book of World Records.
The town of Hershey, PA, has a chocolate moat surrounding it. If the bridge guards spot any Mars candy in your vehicle, you and your passengers will be tossed, unceremoniously, into the moat. You will not mind in the least. Multiple tossings on the same day might get you a ticket for being a nuisance.
There are no corners on Mars.
Therefore there are no scissors on Mars either.
Bruno Mars is actually from Venus, but changed his name after the sex change operation.
Venus Mars and Venus Williams were once BFFs, but the relationship soured once the singer had his sex change operation.
John Gray’s book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus was intended as an unauthorized sequel to Lolita, but a plagiarism suit from Nabokov stopped it. Gray is planning a new version of the book to reflect observations he has made since actually having sex with his wife, which he described as terrifying and slightly erotic but ultimately messy.
In March 2009, NASA issued an official report by chief xenobiologist Gellert “Gel-baby” Phartuccio entitled Women Are Not, In Fact, From Venus: The Science Behind Where Female Come From. It did not sell nearly as well as the relationship-advice book which inspired it.
“Gel-baby” Phartuccio acquired his nickname from his short stint as the Gerber Baby. Unfortunately, his mother used egg whites to stiffen his curls and this caused an unbearable stink to arise from his head during the photo shoot. Close-up camera man Frank Waslow threatened to walk off the set if “that skunky Gel-baby isn’t replaced PRONTO”.
Contrary to legend, Humphrey Bogart was never the Gerber baby, but he was the original Spanky in The Little Rascals when the troupe was still part of Hal Roach’s baby juggling act.
Humphrey DeForest Bogart was the father of 13 “natural” children, one of whom was DeForest Kelly.
DeForest Kelley’s siblings included Gene Kelly, Grace Kelly, Emmett Kelly and Emmett Kelly, Jr… All were the result of assignations between Humphrey Bogart and temporary concubines he hired through Kelly Girls when they were still a call girl service.