Santa Claus actually grew up in Hoboken, and he had a suffer stutter as a child. Hence the Ho-Ho-Ho.
Santa Claus was played onscreen by George Clooney (Miracle One Block Over From 34th Street, 1999), Jack Nicholson (Happy Freakin’ Holidays!, 1975) and Jimmy Stewart (That Big Guy in Red, 1946), but never Orson Bean.
Orson Bean was scheduled to play Santa Claus (well, Father Christmas) in Peter Jackson’s TV Special, A Hobbit’s Christmas, but the Tolkein Estate would not stand for this particular crass commercialization of their motherlode.
Every December 21st (the real Crismass Celebration Day), Gandalf would come to Hobbiton dressed as Santa Nick and give toys and candy to the Hobbit children, until the year Samwise’s youngest became frightened and wet his breeches. And Gandalf’s costume (he lost the deposit). One time, Gandalf (three sheets to the wind) came around on Eve of the Comingyear dressed as Infant Future and was advised to go home, sleep it off and never try that again.
The ghost of J.R.R. Tolkein reportedly haunts G.R.R. Martin, inciting him to kill, kill, kill.
At the time of Tolkien’s death he was writing a new trilogy entitled BOOPY BOBBIT: LORD OF THE OTHER RINGS, in which it was discovered that Sauron’s brother Sharknadar had previously created a ring to rule the ring to rule them all but hadn’t mentioned it because he was antisocial.
The main character’s twin brother in the trilogy, BOOPY BOBBIT: LORD OF THE OTHER RINGS was named Droopy. In 1997 his name was used as the title of a follow-up documentary on the husband of Lorena Bobbitt, shown on The Discovery Channel. The full title was Droopy Bobbitt: Where is He Now and How is He Coping After His Bobbittization?
In October 1864 it was revealed to Robert E. Lee on a vision quest that the mournful Confederate song Lorena was a “Killing Word” which could be used in conjunction with any object for lethal effect on the battle field. This “revelation” had much to do with the Confederate loss of Richmond in the next few months is now thought to be the result of really cheap Blockade RunnR brand absinthe.
The spice melange can be found not only on Arrakis but on Neptune, Omicron Ceti III, and New Blawnox. Absinthe is much more widely available.
Posh Spice’s dog had mélange, but it was successfully treated with medicated shampoo and an anti-parasitic.
The spice melange is so cinnamon sweet, I put it on everything I eat,
It’s addictive, too, and don’t it make my brown eyes blue?
Brown eyes are the oldest eyes. Blue eyes did not develop until about 1300 or so when humankind began frying bacon.
Vice President Spiro Agnew would often fry bacon during Cabinet meetings using a special CIA-issued miniature frypan until President Richard M. Nixon had H.R. Haldeman and William Safire assemble an inter-agency task force to ask him to please stop.
After his reality program was cancelled, H.R. Pufnstuf was impeached as Mayor of Living Island for numerous corruption and sexual harassment charges and forced into exile. He formed an alliance with Witchiepoo and returned to level numerous of the talking trees before being stopped by a triumvirate formed by Cling, Clang, and Freddie the Flute. Today the Living Island is a protectorate of Cincinnati for reasons that make no sense to any living or dead cartographer or political scientist.
The stated reasons are:
- Cincinnati was named for George Washington, the New Cincinnatus.
- George Washington was a 33rd Degree Mason.
- Mason jars have been known to contain moonshine.
- The moon shines on Living Island.
George Washington, the Chuck Norris of his day, could have single-handedly defeated the British Army and Royal Navy in just seven months, but generously decided to share some of the military glory with his fellow Continental officers and soldiers, and allowed the American Revolution to stretch to eight years.
Scientists have discovered that over the course of human development and evolution, the duration of pregnancy in females has ranged from seven months to an astounding eight years. European early modern females (Gro-Magnonites) gestated for eight years and two months, and typically only produced two children. Gro-Magnonites were the first to grow pickles, and the males had an unusually high rate of exasperation.
Once when low on ammunition and outnumbered by Loyalist troops, George Washington, whose wife had no pregnancies him, ordered every cockfighter in the regions to bring their fighting birds to him and on his signal they were released onto the battlefield and ran down and attacked the Loyalist soldiers. This maneuver was known to history as Operation Chicken Catch-a-Tory.
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Nice move! This is the kind of thing I do when I’m ninja’d. ::
David Lee Roth took the stage in Phoenix, AZ with the band Low in 2005 and sang Just a Gigolo which surprised everyone at the concert including the band who didn’t know how to play the song.