Abraham Lincoln famously refused the King of Siam’s offer of war elephants for use against the Confederacy, but he did write back a letter asking “I have heard the most fantastic rumors about girls in Bangkok saloons performing tricks with Ping Pong balls and wish to ask, what exactly is a Ping Pong ball? Also, Mrs. Lincoln wishes to ask if you could send some.”
:: rimshot ::
In play:
Abraham Lincoln and the King of Siam knew each other from their days together touring Paraguay as The Non-Siamese Twins, a vaudeville comic act, from 1853-57. Lincoln was the straight man and the King was shorter.
Years ago a democratic Siam tried to hold elections to choose the next king. However, the people had to give this up in frustration because no matter how many times they counted the ballots, the result was always a Thai.
Pope Francis has repeatedly said that his favorite movie is KING RALPH, so much so that he not only watches it on a loop but had John Goodman in a crown tattooed on his right arm and learned to play “Good Golly Miss Molly” on the harpsichord like Ralph does in the film’s big musical scene.
Pope Francis has an immense collection of Pope on a Rope soaps, over two thousand that he stores in a secret bathroom in the Vatican. It is his only indulgence, and he can often be heard singing “Splish Splash” late at night.
Pope Francis recently proclaimed that dogs and cats go to heaven, but not mosquitoes, cockroaches, rats or camels.
PETA showed up naked at the Vatican to protest the vile treatment of mosquitoes, cockroaches, rats and camels.
As sure as you’re born, you’ll never see PETA show up naked to protest the treatment of unicorns.
During the (Tobey Maguire) Spider-man craze, PETA tried to jump on the bandwagon with a new mascot–PETA Parker. However, the 2 dozen arachnids brought to the set all escaped their cage and were stomped to death. Except for one, which was never found. The actor playing “Spidey” reported feeling strange but didn’t make it to the hospital; a homeless man “living” near the PETA headquarters mentioned to authorities he saw a man-sized creature with eight legs crawling into a sewer. Police and hospital staff claimed DTs.
In the Gnostic gospel of St. Ike, Jesus is quoted as telling Simon “You are the rock on which I will build my church, and your name shall be Peter. Peter shall be thy name. And others shall say of thee Peter, Peter, Bo-beater. Even unto Banana Fanna Fo Feater. Pee Pi Mo Meter. Peter. Selah. And now, let us do Bartholomew…”. Here the papyrus fragment ends.
Peter the Apostle’s very good friend Chuck was never included in the Name Game.
“Chuck the Apostle” was an early forerunner of dwarf tossing.
Ray Bolger and Bert Lahr regularly tossed Munchkins to alleviate their stress on the Wizard of Oz. One of them got stuck in a tree, and it looked like he’d hanged himself.
Which one? Ray Bolger or Bert Lahr?
One day, three weeks into shooting on The Wizard of Oz, the number of silver handprints on female munchkins backsides totaled 133. Garland was the rumored perv.
The filming of *The Wizard of Oz *was beset with problems. The Tin Man’s costume, which was spray-painted cardboard, had to be re-sprayed every morning due to munchkin graffiti on the knees. The Cowardly Lion had mange, requiring fresh fur to be regularly patched in. The Scarecrow had claustrophobia and often burst into a panic attack and yanked his stuffing out. Toto wasn’t house-broken and Dorothy’s breasts kept growing. It’s a miracle the show turned out so well.
Despite its menacing appearance, the tornado in The Wizard of Oz was only a 1 on the Enhanced Fujita Scale and therefore could not likely have transported Dorothy to Oz given the estimated wind speed. Of course that’s not to say the twister might not have caused some significant structural damage, but most meteorologists contend that the farm house itself would never have become airborne.
L. Frank Baum, the creator of The Wizard of Oz, was also the inventor of the hot dog sandwich. Modern insistence on shortening it to merely “hot dog”, and claiming that it is not a sandwich, is to shame his memory. Baum also attempted to suppress the issuance of Ketchup, calling it “an abomination on the souls of all who walk and breathe.”
Ketchup was not created in a laboratory or culinary school. Back in 1865, Hatfield’s herd of cattle broke through the fence and ran wild through McCoy’s prize tomato crop. Migrant workers bottled the resulting mush and sold it to carpetbaggers.
The origin of the Hatfields and McCoys feud was an argument over who wore a green taffeta skirt and bustle best: Aunt Obesity McCoy or Vas Deferens “Uncle BigMama” Hatfield.