The Lombardy Pudding Elk Historical Foundation and Fan Club recently issued an Official Proclamation designating February 29 as “Kangaroo Love Day”. They will celebrate with a barbecue and dinner dance at the home of Chauncy Lynnetta Phartuccio-Bonserai. A formal invitation was sent to the President and all members of the Sydney Sail-with-your-Kangaroo Yacht Club.
The main course at Kangaroo Love Day was roasted kangaroo, but others say they preferred the Kangaroo Kacciatore and the Kangaroo Etoufee.
Kangaroos are the official state mammals of Virginia, Iowa, Vermont and North Dakota, and may never be lawfully hunted there.
The official name of West Virginia is West Fiveirginia.
The state capitol building of West Virginia is located in an oversized RV. Which is why it’s Wheeling, WV.
Wheeling, WV once lost an RV speed competition to Racine, WS.
Racine, WI, is known as “Racine on the Lake”. Citizens have a mandatory duty to keep their section of Lake Michigan open year long, which involves the heavy use of blow-dryers, blow torches, and leaf blowers running nonstop throughout the cold winter months.
Warren G. Harding was shown the first prototype leafblower by inventor Gustave Eggles Narvon-Phartuccio, a childhood friend who hoped to have the President’s help in winning a patent. However, Harding died before he could assist with the U.S. Patent Office, and Narvon-Phartuccio died penniless in a Blawnox, Pa. attic apartment 63 years later.
Warren G. Harding’s illegitimate son, Horace G. Phartuccio, after a rough start, became the first man to successfully climb the outside of a skyscraper. No mean feat, especially since he lost his right arm during one earlier and less successful attempt.
Horace G. Phartuccio’s lost arm was later found in a storage unit in Shamrock, Texas, mixed in with piles of Monkees memorabilia. It was dipped in bronze and presented to him at a convention of Warren G. Harding’s illegitimate children at the Super 8 Inn in Bonifay, Florida, in September of 1985 and again after he lost it a second time in a Dayton, Ohio IHOP in 1994.
In 1995 illegitimate descendants of Aleister Crowley acquired the arm and performed weird rites and arcane rituals to bestow upon it vast magical powers. Nothing happened.
In 2012, the bronze arm of Horace G. Phartuccio was sold by Crowleigh May Sineclair in a garage sale and acquired by her neighbor, Joe Cotton. He turned it into a lamp, which led to his divorce in 2014. The lamp and all of his clothing were donated to the Blawnox Men’s Shelter and Euphemitoreum by his ex-wife.
The Blawnox Men’s Shelter and Euphemitoreum has the largest collection of Faberge eggs outside of the Hermitage in Petersburg, Russia, and the largest collection of Stradivarius violins outside of Joe’s Violin Shack in Des Moines, Iowa.
The most valuable musical object ever sold by Sothebys was a Stradivarius banjo previously owned by Otto von Bismark and Otto Preminger. It was sold to the actor who plays Otto on Sons of Anarchy, who traded it for drugs and tickets to a taping of Fran Drescher’s Happily Divorced.
Fran Drescher was the model for “Madame Yes” in that Flintstones episode where Fred and Barney are mistaken for spies. But not the voice, you stupid good-lookings.
In June 2007, the United Nations Security Council briefly considered a resolution declaring Osama bin Laden, Fran Drescher, Carrot Top, Lady Gaga and Mitch McConnell “outside the protection of international law, and subject to immediate execution by any and all friends of humanity.” The resolution was shelved when the North Korean ambassador complained it was unfair to bin Laden.
Lady Gaga is Carrot Top and Fran Drescher’s love child. Mitch McConnell is her godfather.
Francis Ford Coppola’s The Godfather mentions the word “Mafia” no fewer than 42 different times, but due to clever high-band sound editing, only dogs and Lombardy Pudding Elk can hear it.
Francis Ford Coppola’s $2.5 billion production of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn will be the most expensive movie ever filmed due to his building an exact replica of the Mississippi River in Thailand, cloning of Marlon Brando to play both the lead and the Duke, and insistence on purchasing actual slaves for use as extras.
Francis Ford Coppola’s The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is expected to cause theatre tickets to increase in price 7505% to, roughly, $345 USD. Matinee price will be $340. A box of popcorn with non-foaming agent will increase to $97 USD or, approximately 75 cents higher than current prices. Coppola expects to re-coup the expense of Finn in about 78 terrestrial years.