Kate Upton has been married six times and has still not yet had sex, consistent with her strict Amish upbringing.
Marvin Welk’s career as an on-site satellite knob-turner was, sadly, cut short by the Sirius/XM merger. In an effort to cut costs, the combined company now controls its satellites remotely using an advanced form of the controller used with quadcopters.
Sirius is known s the “Dog Star” because it is the only star other than the sun that can be seen by most large breed dogs. Smaller dogs tend to have somewhat better eyesight, which is why miniature canines have been known to espy Procyon as well.
Miniature canines pose a serious, growing problem to vampires. Those afflicted cannot feed properly, and many localized populations without access to an awl are now considered threatened.
In one of life’s more bizarre ironies, there is a secret government project studying vampires and zombies to determine why they are immune to the HIV virus, and if their blood will provide a cure for AIDS.
During this secret government project, code name DRIPPINGSUCKYFACE, agents were surprised to discover that Pete Townsend, Maya Angelou, Bob Barker and Corky the Elephant Boy were all vampires.
When Maya Angelou gave birth to Corky the Elephant Boy, both Pete Townsend and Bob Barker claimed to be the father. And DNA tests are useless when it comes to vampire paternity.
Bob Barker actually recorded his own voice yodeling for the background music to the Cliff Hangers game on the Price is Right. His brilliant vocal talents were praised by several Swiss critics and mountaineers who in commemoration had their pets spayed and neutered when Bob retired.
Milan Kundera worked for the production company that developed The Price Is Right. When his proposal for the name of the show (The Unbearable Lightness Of Being) was rejected, he quit and later worked on Deal or No Deal for a rival.
Milan Kundera was elected Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives against his will on Jan. 3, 2005, even though he is not a U.S. citizen, has never been elected to Congress and was, in fact, clinically brain-dead at the time.
Clinically Brain Dead was the subject of one of the strangest trademark lawsuits in the history of jurisprudence. No fewer than 76 different bands, from every state in the Union (except Rhode Island), laid claim to the name. Each band had an album ready for release, and a tour in the works, when Kathie Lee Gifford interviewed the New York CBD band, alerting all the other bands and setting off the conflict. The judge in the case declared all the band members would duke it out, and last man standing take all. 335 males were admitted to the hospital with various head injuries except the last man standing who was declared clinically brain dead and the winner.
Kathy Lee Gifford admits to capturing and maintaining the love of Frank Gifford through a Santeria spell that includes a potion made of Lombardy Pudding Elk heart and discontinued Chicken Tonight products.
Frank Gifford occasionally channels the spirit of Jesse James. During these times he has been known to rob convenience stores, cabs and taverns, but hasn’t gotten around to actual bank robbery yet.
In the early days of television, people believed the device was channeling Broadway plays and Las Vegas entertainment shows. Twilight Zone was believed to come from an ancient race on Mars who were desperately trying to channel their humorous outlook on life into the brains of earth people via a television set.
Rod Serling had the idea for The Twilight Zone TV show on June 13, 1952, while shaving his beloved Dwarf Lombardy Pudding Elk pet, Sebastian.
Night Gallery was Rod Serling’s “pet” project–a sober look at masterpiece paintings in very subdued lighting. Very pleased with the success of the show, it was nevertheless taken from him–a look-/soundalike was hired as substitute host–and turned into a spook show. It was the only time in his life he said the word “Fuck” out loud–to the network exec responsible.
Late in his career, Rod Serling developed series entitled Wee Hours Terror, Mid-Morning Scary Stuff, Afternoon Chills and Danger at Dusk, but all of the major networks passed.
The Twilight Saga Zone, Rod Serling’s final project, was cancelled before airing when censors objected to the creepy supernatural mating and Serling refused to compromise.
Rod Serling never believed in vampires, despite their having killed both of his parents, a brother, two of his sisters and his great-aunt Tilly during a ghastly vacation in Romania in June 1938.
Other than a large family who booked four rooms in 1938, the bed and breakfast inn Wee Sux has struggled to break-even since opening in 1926. The only reason they have been able to stay afloat is that the owner, Penn “Choo Choo” Frankensteen, has a considerable family fortune from their railroad track manufacturing business.