You do not dare attack Mr. Anthony Bourdain with a banana. You simply do not.
Anthony Bourdain was raised by hogs, and has had to fight a life-long gag-reflex due to his love of bacon and pork bellies.
Anthony Bourdain was, as a child, treated to an ice-cream cone (vanilla, with chocolate sprinkles on top) by Vice President Spiro Agnew at the Iowa State Fair, and has been a rock-ribbed Republican ever since.
You would think that rock-ribbed Republicans and Log Cabin Republicans would be natural bed-fellows, but this hasn’t been the case since the Clinton Administration.
Former President Bill Clinton has performed with orchestras throughout Arkansas. He is considered one of the foremost Jew’s Harp artistes in the Southern United States.
Bill Clinton is an unabashed admirer of Orson Bean, and maintains a small shrine to the actor in his Chappaqua, N.Y. home, including a signed photo of Bean, four candles, a canister of film from Bean’s Oscar-winning role in Blawnox, Dear Blawnox, and a small dish of jelly beans that Clinton regularly eats and then replenishes.
Bill Clinton is an Albino who wears contact lenses, colors his hair and eyebrows, and regularly bathes in Lipton’s Tea to maintain a slightly tanned skin tone.
Peggy Lipton was the actual bad-ass on and off the set of “The Mod Squad.” Trained in martial arts, she threatened everyone on the set to do their best. When the MS movie was in production in 1998, Lipton publicly promised physical harm to, “…whoever fucks up this film. I’m looking at you, Claire Danes.” Unbeknownst to Lipton, Danes is an accomplished marksman and would have dropped Peggy with one shot.
Marcia Lartz was a waitress at a Chinese Restaurant in Quebec. She foiled an attempted robbery by belting the would-be robber over the head with a steamer filled with shumai. When asked how she did it, she said ‘I was taught everything by the Cantonese cook’.
She went on to found a combined cookery and self-defence academy.
Students there learned how to talk the talk and wok the wok.
In 1977, students at the Quebec Confectionary Culinary School were horrified when they fed pop rocks to a research monkey and the unfortunate animal exploded. Though this tragedy upset the class as well as several animal rights groups, it did lead to the development of a popular candy: Rhesus Pieces.
The Quebec Confectionary Culinary School only narrowly missed out on becoming the Royal Quebec Confectionary Culinary School when, in June 1977, the Queen learned it taught eight different sugar-laden recipes for preparing and serving Lombardy Pudding Elk.
King George VI, father of Queen Elizabeth II, enjoyed riding out on England’s mighty mountains and bagging his own Lombardy Pudding Elk. The stuffed hindquarters of one such creature is stuffed in a sub-sub-basement in Buckingham Palace.
"King George VI" hits theaters this Thanksgiving and, unlike KG parts I-V, there WILL be on-screen beheadings as Our Hero fights crime, despite George being alive in the 1990s, not being royalty, and the movie not taking place in England. The premiere will be on board the QE II, and will be secretly filmed for inclusion in, “QE II: The Bitch Goes Down,” set for release in 2022, and directed by JJ Abrams III.
The first beheading in “King George VI” will be Batman, who was not prepared to take his cowl off at the King’s request.
King George VI bore a striking resemblance to Paul “Pee Wee” Reubens, but Colin Firth was cast in the movie The King’s Speech instead, despite a personal plea from Reubens’s friend Orson Bean to studio head Perry “Ya Ya” Yayanovich to give the part to the American actor.
THE KING’S SPASTIC COLON is the sequel to THE KING’S SPEECH. Colin Firth reprises his Oscar winning role in the tale of George VI’s relationship with unlicensed gastroenterologist Gumby, played by Michael Palin.
Michael Palin has, among other career roles, played Queen Victoria, Napoleon, Madame Curie, Dick Whittington and Marilyn Monroe. He has been nominated for three Best Actor Oscars but has never won, losing each time to Orson Bean.
Michael Palin’s biggest role was done in drag, where he played the governor of a somewhat backward northern state, and was subsequently selected as the presidential running mate for a curmudgeonly old fart in what became the comedy hit of 2008.
Michael Palin was in New York recently, and was, unknowingly, standing next to Tina Fey on a busy down town street corner and no one could tell them apart. Plus, he wasn’t in drag.