During a career lag in the early 1980s, actress Jessica Tandy began work on the brand of personal computers that bears her name, selling the company just after completing the prototype Tandy 1000. “I have no faith in the longevity of computers,” she said, “Acting is eternal.”
Jessica Tandy’s coach for the fight scenes in Driving Miss Daisy was a then unknown Vin Diesel. Unfortunately the fight scenes were cut as the movie went from an erotic steampunk vampire dirigible fantasy to something about a mean old woman and her chauffeur.
The next eight big-budget movies from Sony Pictures are erotic steampunk vampire dirigible fantasies, according to a recent Wall Street Journal article. Entertainment-biz analysts caution that the studio may be focusing a bit too much on a niche market. Sony is pinning its hopes on the first, due for release on Halloween: Fifty Shades of Victorian Bloodsucking Lighter-Than-Air Dreams.
Fifty Shades of Victorian Bloodsucking Lighter-Than-Air Dreams is based on the erotic letters and Transatlantic love of Queen Victoria, Benjamin Disraeli, and Iowa potato farmer Horace Norbert. In the upcoming Sony film Victoria is to be played by Renee Zellweger, Disraeli by Sasha Baron Cohen, and Norbert by Tim Blake Nelson.
Sasha Baron Cohen escaped from Communist Lebanon in the late 1980’s. He dressed up as a pantomime horse, joined the Soviet State Lebanese Rodeo Circuit, and defected as soon as he arrived in Amsterdam. He nearly didn’t defect, though, as he was getting great reviews.
The last time pantomime horses were used in the British Cavalry was at the Charge of the Light Brigade.
Pantomime horses have been known to mate with Lombardy Pudding elks, creating a Pantomime Pudding Helk.
Pantomime horses are employed fulltime by only six of the one hundred largest British corporations, including Harrod’s and British Rail. Over the past 40 years most have been sacked as a cost-savings measure.
Eva Durante did work at Harrod’s, and co-worker Tim Rice penned this line about her:
Such a shame she wandered into our enclosure
How unfortunate this person has forced us to be blunt
No we wouldn’t mind seeing her at Harrod’s
But behind the jewelry counter, not in front
Ironically, Jimmy Durante suffered from anosmia. He himself said, “I don’t smell so good.”
Wherever Mrs. Calabash was, she was a randy little minx, giving birth to a large number of children by a slightly smaller number of large-nosed actors; in addition to Jimmy Durante, there was Karl Malden, Leslie Nielsen and Alex Karras, to name a few. The number of off-spring was estimated at nearly 22.
The ancient “hobbit” people of Flores, Indonesia are believed to have traveled across the ocean in enormous rafts made of hundreds of calabashes and other gourds.
Flores, Indonesia; Kagoshima, Japan; Amman, Jordan; Moscow, Russia and Blawnox, Pa. are sister cities.
Blawnox, PA, is, technically, not a city: it is a copyright trap inserted into most road maps. The area of “Blawnox” is actually George Romero’s farm’s barn. Romero gets a small percentage of map profits, which he uses to document the coming zombie apocalypse.
The urban legend that Blawnox, PA is just a copyright trap is debunked on snopes.com and was the feature story in the original Mythbusters pilot. Mythbusters proved that George Romero started the rumor in an effort to conceal his favorite fishing spot at the Blawnox Sewer Treatment Plant and Lakeside Trout Park from tourists.
All fishing near wastewater treatment plants is strictly prohibited due a very small, but non-zero, chance of spreading “infectious zombification” to humans from infected fish.
Infectious zombification hit the SDMB in 2013, but was eventually cured through Cecil himself descending among us and use the Royal Touch to heal us all.
King Edward the Natty, who reigned from 102-107 A.D., was a known pedophile. He denied the accusations and claimed that he was only bestowing the “Royal Touch” to children with whom he interacted. He was hanged with his own entrails from the top of a bouncy castle.
Despite the claims of marketers, bouncy castles are really not that fun.
“Bouncy Castles” is the Secret Service codename for Hillary Clinton.