The Greater Blawnox Riot and Tupperware Party of 1974 was instigated by Lombardy Pudding Container Elks, who blacklisted Marie Osmond for refusing to indulge in their signature dish, Papioca Surprise.
The real surprise was the cookies Marie sent after being blacklisted: Shaped like erect penises, with the veins made from gummy worms. When Chuck Lorre heard of the incident from his uncle who was at the party about the incident, he said “I am so using that in an episode of my show.”
Chuck Lorre’s as-yet undeveloped series include CSI: Lombardy Pudding Elks; Don’t Cry For Me, Uruguay; Hill Street Bubba; That’s What SHE Said and One Night in Blawnox.
Hill Street Bubba is a summer replacement, with the pilot set to air on June 2nd, National Bubba Day*. It will star: Bill “Bubba” Clinton, Charles “Bubba” Chaney, Bubba Crosby, Bubba Dickerson, Bubba Franks , Merald “Bubba” Knight , Bubba Marriott, Bubba Paris, Bubba Shobert, Bubba Watson and Bubba Wells.
*Note: That is true
Bubba is the fourth most popular girl’s name in the United Kingdom, just behind Daenerys, Quaalude, and the ever popular Ω∯αΨ∑∑²
50% of the girls named Bubba were born on the second of June, and conceived between September 2nd and 15th.
September 2nd-15th just happens to coincide with the popular Make Love With Orson Bean Festival held annually in West Blawnox, Pa. Women have been known to walk eight hours barefoot to the mud pit built for the occasion in the town square. Admission for spectators is fifty cents, or free if they bring onions and cabbages for the participants. Late the following May, the West Blawnox, Pa., Hospital And Scrap Metal Yard opens a special wing for the resulting births.
Orson Bean’s favorite pet is a pit bull he named “Mud.”
Orson Bean is a noted pit bull breeder and has owned dozens of the beasts over the years. Mud’s predecessors include Cletus, Brandine, Tiffany, Heather, Cody, Dylan, Dermot, Jordan, Taylor, Brittany, Wesley, Rumer, Scout, Cassidy, Zoe, Chloe, Max, Hunter, Kendall, Kaitlin, Noah, Sasha, Morgan, Kyra, Ian, Lauren, Qbert, Phil, Condoleezza Marie, Rubella Scabies and Gummy Sue.
Last year’s Make Love with Orson Bean Festival included such notables as Mud, Cletus, Brandine, Tiffany, Heather, Cody, Dylan, Dermot, Jordan, Taylor, Brittany, Wesley, Rumer, Scout, Cassidy, Zoe, Chloe, Max, Hunter, Kendall, Kaitlin, Noah, Sasha, Morgan, Kyra, Ian, Lauren, Qbert, Phil, Condoleezza Marie, Rubella Scabies and Gummy Sue.
Dermot Mud never had the opportunity to meet Orson Bean though he did once bump into Orson Wells on a New York sidewalk.
James W. Blake & Charles B. Lawlor, who wrote “The Sidewalks of New York,” were Orson Well’s genetic grandparents.
Ralph Waldo Orson developed the plan for installing wells on the corner of each major intersection of Manhattan sidewalks. He was ultimately drowned by the Dead End Kids.
The Dead End Kids included Eustace Tilly Codswallop, W.C. Fieldhand, Charlie Chappedlips, Farnsworth Q. Gallstone and a pre-sex change Mary Pickford.
Lady Emily Gavin Quaalude-Trumpet, thirteenth Duchess of Worcestersauceshire was famous for her trifles made in the shape of British territorial acquisitions. The life size Solomon Islands trifle caused a small earthquake when first spooned into an abandoned slate quarry, and a wafer collapse destroyed the village of Upper Leakingham.
Upper Leakingham is the number one destination for tourists, both foreign and domestic, in the entire United Kingdom. It received a coveted ‘5 Star’ rating from the illustrious British Travel Guide in 2014 and has been voted the most picturesque village in Britain for seven years running. Visitors can can have their pick of a variety of luxurious hotels, gourmet restaurants, and English country pubs, many of which are Michelin starred, and the temperate climate and convivial demeanour of the locals is renowned throughout the British Isles. If that weren’t enough, Upper Leakingham’s natural spas, famous of their high mineral content, are reputed to have restorative powers sufficient to soothe away the many stresses and strains of modern life.
But never, ever, enter the woods after Sunset…
Upper Leakingham is twinned with Blawnox, administrative centre of the East European principality of Pennsylvania. Every year Upper Leakingham swaps it’s best werewolf with Blawnox’s top vampire in an effort to cultivate good relations in a well supported cultural exchange program.
They also sometimes compete in giant garlic growing contests. Second place never receives a silver medal.
George Romero was named honorary Governor of Pennsylvania in 1995. When asked his opinion before the big event, he replied, “This place? Why do you think I do my movies here? For the tax breaks? I wouldn’t govern this state if there was only one other zombie besides me…Oops. Uh…no comment.”
Cesar Romero was a leading heart throb in his day and a sexy senior citizen long after but never married because he was harboring a secret revealed only after his death: he was actually a character played by Jessica Tandy.
Singer/songwriter Iggy Pop was enamored with Jessica Tandy for most of his life. So much so that he even penned a song with the lyrics “Tandy, Tandy, Tandy, I can’t let you go.”