Devout Orthodox Jewish men who own kangaroos have been found to live seven years longer than lapsed Catholics who once fostered a Lombardy Pudding Elk over the Christmas holidays.
While many a Catholic has eaten Lombardy Pudding Elk over the Christmas holiday, Devout Orthodox Jewish men cannot eat the treif kangaroo.
Devout Orthodox Jewish men cannot eat any animal that begins with the letter ‘k’. This includes koala, kudu and Kobi beef. A special exception was made for knishes and kreplach.
The Hebrew letter for “k” is kaf (also spelled kaff, kaph and cumulonimbus). The letter was cursed by the prophet Elijah in 2 Samuel, chapter 13, because he was duped by a ventriloquist.
Most of the early prophets had issues with carnival tricksters. Obadiah was confused by fire-eaters, Enoch lost all his money playing find the lady, and Silas predicted the coming Apocalypse after a ride on the Ghost Train.
The Beatles song Obla Di, Obla Da was a mockery of Obadiah’s fire-eater confusion, tell him to ‘get over it’ (“life goes on, Bra”).
Ringo is still alive, but Paul died back in the 1970’s when the rumors abounded, and a double has been performing in his stead ever since. Paul, due to some unfortunate errors in his finances, is now a tax accountant in Worcestershire. John is still dead, but George faked his death in order to live a life of peace and solitude in Bangladesh. He died three years later of dysentery.
Worcestershire Sauce is the favorite food of kiwis, who have been known to kill mates for more of it.
The Maori have a sauce identical in every way but for the inclusion of fermented seal liver. As well as being a valued condiment it serves to season and preserve the wood in seagoing craft.
This provided the vital proof for Thor Heyerdahl’s first Kon-Tiki expedition to demonstrate that Worcestershire was originally settled by Pacific Islanders.
Dan Ackroyd totally ripped off the Maori’s commercial “It’s a Worcestershire sauce! It’s a wood preservation” for his SNL commercial “It’s a floor wax. It’s a dessert topping.” This led to SNL being banned in all of the Pacific Islands.
One of the greatest inventions in the world, as indicated by an old adage, is sliced bread. One of Dan Ackroyd’s Irish ancestors developed a way of slicing a number of loafs of bread at the same time, an invention that came to be known as the “four loaf cleaver.”
The original name of the show about Ward Cleaver’s lazy brother Homer, his lazy wife Marge, and their two lazy daughters Lisa and Maggie, was “Four Loafing Cleavers.”
The urban legend is correct and Ward Cleaver actually did refer to his penis in three different episodes of Leave It To Beaver as a “Beaver cleaver,” but the episodes have since been withdrawn from syndication due to modern sensibilities over pedophilia.
Roseanne Barr wanted to have her sitcom family named Ward, June, Wally (daughter), and Theodora (Beaver), and Eddie, but the censors wouldn’t allow it.
In addition to dams and lodges, beavers have been known to build suspension bridges, tennis courts, and an occasional rec room.
Next to industriousness, beavers are best known for their naivete. Every week, they innocently get into trouble at the urging of their older brothers’ friends.
According to a ten-year study by the University of West Blawnox, beavers, wombats, muskrats and echidnas are the five animal species most likely to be simultaneously left-handed and Donny Osmond fans.
The Great Blawnox Riot of 1973 occurred at a Donny Osmond concert when the fifth unnamed animal species discovered that they had been blacklisted from attending.
Donny Osmond refused to perform the title role in the musical “Joseph and the Fabulously Gay Rainbow Colored Dreamcoat” until the title was changed. He would later turn down a role in The Book of Mormon, for obvious reasons.