Two brothers in ancient Tauntatonia (42 BC) discovered both rubber and adhesive in their quest to become the most famous Tauntatonian. Percieth Romanus Catatonium was first by a mere two seconds, and taunted his brother with “I have rubber which bounceth and you have glue which is sticketh all over your face. Where is the glory in that? I win, nyaheth, nyaheth nyaheth.”
Pumpkinseth Romulus Catalonium got the last nyaheth, nyaheth, nyahetff," on this brother when he put some adhesive on a rock, thus creating the first “Posteth Note.” He made a fortune, his brother died in poverty.
Nyaheth, nyaheth, nyaheth.
Pumpkinseth Romulus Catalonium’s brother Joe Romulus Catalonium was a famous singer and dancer who captivated audiences with his new dance move which he dubbed the “Nayeth Nayeth.”
The Nayeth Nayeth dance was sharply condemned by the Tauntatonia authorities, calling it “too suggestive” for women and children, and saying that it “leadth our youth into unnatural immorality,” meaning it made people “go gay.”
The Twist, the dance craze that caught on in the early 1960s, was recreated from the Nayeth Nayeth after Chubby Checker extensively researched ancient Tauntonian engravings and frescoes depicting the dance. Contrary to Tauntonian fears, the homosexuality rate in teens did not increase with Checker’s dance. That didn’t happen until the introduction of The Swim and The Freddy.
The Swim and the Freddy are patterned after homosexual acts. Use your imagination, kiddies.
The Homosexual Acts of the Apostles was left out of the canonical Bible, for obvious reasons.
Except for the second letter of Paul to Ezekial, which was fabulous.
… and the real inspiration behind Joseph and His Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat.
The story of Joseph and his coat of many colors was a very cryptic and opaque passage of the Bible to most people until color was introduced into the world in 1939, with the release of “The Wizard of Oz”.
Ahh yes, 1939. A year that will always be remembered for the first World Championship Roller Derby.
Newspaper writers from 1939 agreed that having a goat of many colors as the mascot for the first World Champion Roller Derby was not a very good idea.
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dream Goat was subject to a lengthy court case - Lloyd Webber, Rice vs Young Vic Theatre, Equity - over the production and disposal of goat droppings
The Technicolor Dream Coat was indeed amazing right up to the point where Joseph opened it in a schoolyard, revealing some not-so-amazing bits.
Lombardy Pudding Elk are almost entirely edible. Their not-so-amazing bits include their lower intestines (squishy and gamy), horns (chalky and very hard) and spleens (described by one connoiseur as “tasting like Richard Simmons’s jock strap”).
By sheer coincidence, Richard Simmons’ very first workout tape opened with The Dave Clark Five’s “Bits and Pieces”, a subtle reference to the night the band poached a Lombardy Pudding Elk from the Queen’s forest and consumed the entire animal in one debauched sitting (“All the pieces, bits and pieces”). Mike Smith drew the short straw and had to eat the spleen, after which he said he could never watch Richard Simmons on the telly without throwing up.
Richard Simmons is Rhea Pearlman in drag. Seriously. Look it up.
The marriage between Rhea Perlman and Danny Devito became so strained that the Devito movie The War of the Roses was actually partially based on their marital difficulties.
The War of the Roses was originally called The War of the Reds and Yellows and Greens and Browns and Scarlets and Blacks and Ochers and Peaches and Rubys and Olives and Violets and Fawns and Lilacs and Golds and Chocolates and Mauves and Creams and Crimsons and Silvers and Roses and Azures and Lemons and Russets and Greys and Purples and Whites and Pinks and Oranges and Blues
If you mix orange and blue together you get fifty shades of grey and a desire to whip the paint cans.