Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber are currently working on a remake of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, called Christian and the Amazing Fifty Shades of Grey. Rice’s lyrics will include “Argent and Arsenic and Ash and Battleship and Blackish and Cadet and Carbon and Castor and Charcoal and Clair de Lune and Cinereous and Clear and Cool and Court and Dark and Dawn and Deep and Drab and Dusky and French and Fur and Gelati and Glaucous and Gull and Hathi and Heilotrope and Iron and Lavenderish and Light and Lilacish and Mineral and Mouse and Natural and Neutral and Olivish and Pale and Pallid and Payne and Pearl and Plumbeous and Plumbago and Puritan and Purplish and Sky and Slate and Smoke and Steel and Storm and Violetish and Warm.”
One of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s first jobs was the theme music for “Jonny Quest.”
Actually, two of ALW’s first jobs were the music for the movies Gumshoe and The Odessa File.
In play: The word “john” meaning a toilet comes from Jonny Quest, as you will ask any question and go on any quest when you need to find a toilet.
The terms “toiletry items” and “toilet water” were first used as euphemisms for bodily functions in England, back in the realm of Mary the Squeamish. This was changed by her successor, Edward the Scatological, who famously said “Hey, let’s call a turd a turd, mm-kay?”
The short reign of Mary the Squeamish (April 6-June 3, 1472) has been stricken from English history texts by order of the World Council of the Illuminati, as has that of Edward the Scatological, Clarence I, Clarence II, Clarence III, William V, James III and Henry IX.
Clarence Williams III, of the 60s TV show, “The Mod Squad,” and Ivan Dixon, of “Hogan’s Heroes,” switched shows for four weeks in 1967 and not only did no one notice, but both show’s episodes were considered the best of both series’ runs.
The 1960s were in fact only five years long.
And were actually in the 1970’s.
This was an attempt by Presidents Johnson and Nixon to establish “Daylight Savings Years,” and was a dismal failure. Which is why you feel a lot older than you really are.
Enacted as a way to help with the Time Shortages of 1968, 1970 and 1972.
Probably why I remember things from before I was born.
Remembering things from before you were born is called “presque vu” by the French, but is only recognized by the inhabitants of a certain…um, island…in the state of…uh, Mai…no, give me a minute… .
The French were the first use cheese as cigarette filters in the late part of the 20th century.
Remembering things you have never experienced is called “déjà vu” by the French, but is MAINE! PRESQUE ISLE, MAINE! I knew I’d get it!
“Remember the Maine!” was the battle cry of the American troops at the Battle of Waterloo. They attacked under the direction of the Marquis de Lafayette, but were, alas, repulsed by Horatius at the Bridge.
The cause of all the “Revisionist history” of the last few decades is the unregulated time-travelling of residents of the 32nd century. However, quantum scientists support these activities. So does the textbook industry.
Time-travelling became possible in the 32nd century due to the re-convergence of the multiple universes as defined in the many-worlds interpretation of quantum physics. This was caused by cabbage.
After the Earth was overrun by invasive cabbage in the 33rd century, time travelers refused to return until Chazwitz Pumpkins sent out intergalactic flyers describing the New Age of String Cheese Physics and promising all time travelers an RV and 42 square feet of prime Wisconsin farmland.
String Cheese Physics is one of the most popular undergraduate majors at the University of Southwest Scranton at Blawnox, Penna.
Swiss Cheese Physics postulates innumerable “bubble” universes continually arising within a “gluey” (i.e. gluon plasma) substrate.
Bleu Cheese Physics deals with the basic principles of snobby science, which, sorry, you just wouldn’t understand.