The Second Barnum Principle, like the Ferengi Second Rule of Acquisition, is “Once you have their money, never give it back.”
The Second Barnum Rule is based on the First Rule of Prostitution, first postulated by Ptolemy IV.
Ptolemy IV was known for his eye for the ladies, and had over the course of his 4-year reign 44 wives, 444 concubines, 4444 harem girls and 44444 court prostitutes.
Sritakapti (harem girl #3,108) is credited with the invention of the papyrus dildo.
The ancient Egyptians were remarkably skilled in their adaptation of papyrus for use in such things as sexual aids, pet enclosures, lawn games and plumbing fixtures.
Papyrus toilets were all the rage for a very brief period of time. When people found out they wouldn’t hold up to the task at hand, a lynch mob strung up Ptolemy IV’s great-great grandson, Ali Bin Bubba, by the tassel on his fez. Centuries later, Portuguese inventor Joao Banheiro tried the same scam using cork, which is a major Portuguese export, with much the same result. He was beaten to death with a very large piece of dried bacalhao.
“The tassel on his fez” was common slang in Ptolemy IV’s time for a penis. Centuries later, the slang with the same meaning was “a very large piece of died bacalhao.”
In Moses’ time, a mohel’s expertise was displayed by the number of tassels on his yarmulke.
And every tassel had a foreskin sewed into it.
Corn tassels are the male reproductive organ for maize.
In the Midwest they are widely eaten (deep-fried) at county fairs; where they are called “Midwest oysters”.
“Corn Tassel Maze” is the all time best-selling porn video in the Midwest, the cast being led by Milwaukee’s own leading porn star, Head Cheese.
One of the largest of the 47 known statues of Orson Bean in the continental United States is in Milwaukee, Wisc. The 300-foot-tall granite statue, dedicated in a private ceremony on June 3, 1977, stands in front of Milwaukee City Hall. It was built at a cost of $30 million, much of it donated by East German and Egyptian schoolchildren.
Laverne and Shirley used to hang out by the Milwaukee City Hall on weekends, drinking beer they had pilfered during their shifts at the brewery and watching pigeons pooping on the giant granite statue out front.
NBC plans to reboot Laverne and Shirley in its Fall 2016 lineup. Playing the leads will be Rupaul and Caitlyn Jenner.
Lenny & Squiggy were actually secret millionaires, having mad a fortune creating the comic book “Pooping Pigeons.”
In the reboot of Laverne and Shirley, Lenny will be played by Owen Wilson and Squiggy will be played by Liam Neeson. Both have stated that they will do anything for a paycheck, with Neeson adding: "After Gray and Taken 3, I’ve got some serious reputation damage to repair.
Reginald Van Nostril is known for his disastrous attempt at breeding Pooping Pigeons and Homing Pigeons. Instead of the Homepoopers leaving to poop and then returning home, they pooped all over his house and left only to find mates, which they then brought home to add to the general poopulation.
Reginald Van Nostril is currently seeking Owen Wilson and Liam Neeson to star in his remark of The Birds.
Liam Neeson will reprise his role of Qui-Gon Jim, “the role I was born to play” in the upcoming Star Wars film. In it his ghost will have a lightsabre battle against the ghosts of both Yoda and Alec Guinness.
Liam Neeson has long claimed to be Irish, but three years ago was discovered by the investigative-journalism team of The Blawnox Weekly Shopper to have been born in Brooklyn, N.Y., to an itinerant Swiss ratcatcher and a Zanzibarean marmot wrangler.