North Korea is the setting for the next Smokey and the Bandit movie. Slated to begin filming later this year.
The movie will star Burt Reynolds, Sally Field, Donald Sutherland, and Elliot Gold.
Sally Field will also star in the TV movie The Flying Mother Superior: as Sister Bertrille has advanced in her order. In the movie she leads a squadron of flying nuns to thwart an evil plan by ISIS. Orson Bean guest stars as a disgruntled priest who finds new hope in Mother Bertrille.
Orson Bean is also slated to play Kim Jong-Un in a multimillion-dollar epic biopic, The Greatest Man in the Whole Entire World Since the Dawn of Time, bankrolled by the North Korean Film Ministry and scheduled for release… probably never.
The westernmost point of South Korea is actually east of the easternmost point of North Korea. The southernmost point of South Korea is 10 miles north of the southernmost point of North Korea but still west of the easternmost part of both Koreas-- excluding of course the demiliterized zone, and the disputed territory in the Yellow Sea, which is actually blue.
“Korea” is a shortened version of the Sanskrit word “Kardashianbeanphartuccio.” which loosely translated means “Geographically What The Fuck?”
The Sanskrit language as spoken today in Paraguay has no words for “Lombardy,” “pudding” or “elk.” It does, however, have 17 different words for “snow” and over 300 (estimates vary) for “uvula.”
The notion that Eskimoes have many different words from snow came from a misunderstanding by explorers J.F.G.T. Remus Fotheringay-Phipps and Leventhal J. Homeboyd, who did not know when they asked their native guide, Chattanooka of the North by Northeast, the word for snow that Chattanooka had Tourettes. What they interpreted as many words for snow actually translated closer to “Snow snow goddam white stuff woof woof stupid ice bitch rabbit assbutt wing wing lolapalooza meow Ayuga! gendarme chicken-pox hello my ragtime gal snow snow shit I’m cold fuck yourself powder white!”
Leventhal J. Homeboyd went on to be a fairly successful writer of popular Tin Pan Alley ballads, including Who’s Your Little Wannabe?, It Never Snows But It Snows Like Thunder and J.F.G.T. Remus Fotheringay-Phipps Can Kiss My Fanny. And, of course, The Orson Bean’s Uvula Blues.
The most popular tin in the world, according to pollsters, is the can. The star is second and the pan third. Foil, man, roof, whistle, drum, cup and Lizzy round out the top tin list.
The most popular lead in the world, according to pollsters, is the balloon. Other researchers have determined that a strangle little internet message board named “The Straight Dope” contains by far the largest number of lead balloons in all of history. It is thought that this high number is a reflection of the extreme intellectual and social ineptitude of the board membership.
The most popular reason given for not attending church is “uncomfortable seating,” according to pollsters at the Pew Research Center.
The Pew Research Center is often confused with the P.U. research center, which conducts research on farting.
Pepe Le Pew underwent thousands of dollars of plastic surgery to become a skunk and snag that sweet Warner Bros. contract. Ironically, he really is (was) a house cat. From Brooklyn–he took elocution lessons to pass as French.
Tweety Bird is obviously gay, and Sylvester the Cat a homophobe. Sylvester Stallone was approached to play the Cat and Larry Bird the canary in a live action film based on the cartoon, but both refused.
Succotash does suffer, intensely.
Three out of every nineteen racehorses suffer from Irregular Hoof Syndrome to such a degree that it disrupts the animal’s gait enough that their owners are “somewhat disappointed” or “very disappointed” in their horse’s overall running performance. This is according to a 2011 Gallup poll.
The media’s coverage of the scandal involving the coverup of Irregular Hoof Syndrome was, inevitably, referred to as “Gaitgate”.
The owners of the Watergate Hotel, in Washington, DC, are preparing a massive trademark infringement class-action lawsuit against, theoretically, the entire population of the planet for the mis-use of “-gate” all these years. The final straw: “Gaitgate.” Nitwit media types have dubbed the inevitable scandal, “Gait-gate-gate.”
The lawsuit is expected to be given the “Gait-gate-gate” gate. Or, as several legal types have put it “Will someone please close the gate on -gate?”