Mike Parade founded the crappy Sunday newspaper supplement magazine that bears his name.
Collectors everywhere are excited about the release of a new series of plates featuring different Parade Magazine covers. These plates are exquisitely detailed and are available for a limited time only. “Parade Magazine is loved everywhere, so these plates are sure to increase in value,” says Laurence Tobey of the National Designer Dish Guild. There is a strict limit of 5 per customer. Only $19.95 each plus S&H.
Parade Magazine’s Marilyn vos Savant not only has the highest IQ ever recorded (approximately 12,000 on a 200 point scale- when she was tested she dissolved the test giver with a glance and answered questions no human could possibly know) but also the highest body temperature (approximately 380 degrees Fahrenheit) and the longest tongue (7 feet, 8 inches).
Marilyn vos Savant is an anagram for Cthulu in 14 human languages.
Jesus Christ Superstar has been performed in every living, dead, known, unknown, fictional, factual, thought up, made up, computer, android, believable and unbelievable language. But Marilyn vos Savant admits she cannot memorize the score.
Volapuk is the official language of the Blawnox City Hall. This is to encourage the amount of red tape, misunderstandings and petty squabbles that are so dear to the mayor’s heart.
For best results, the mayor’s heart should be soaked in brine for at least 30 days before being grilled.
No, a joke. I have several times in this thread given a number and then listed more than that number of things in a category.
In play:
The Mayor’s Heart is one of the oldest pubs in Blawnox, famous for its local brews on tap, extra-salty pretzels and Lombardy Pudding Elkburgers.
The Mare’s Hart was a shoddy attempt to capitalize on the fame and success of the Mayor’s Heart pub. It might have worked but for the owner’s attempt to substitute diet root beer spiked with rubbing alcohol for actual beer.
Do NOT sample the Lombardy Pudding Pale Ale at The Mayor’s Heart in Blawnox; there have been problems with the water supply from the brewer–something to do with the spelling of Allegheny/Allagheny (which is the waste water treatment plant on the other side of town).
Collectors and pure water enthusiasts are expressing extreme excitement for the new miniature waste water treatment plant shelf knickknacks now available from Brannix Studios. Each numbered replica waste water treatment plant is hand-crafted by skilled artisans and comes with a full certificate of authentication. “These are some of the finest industrial miniatures ever realized,” notes Brannix Studios Director Larry Tobey. “We estimate demand will far exceeded supply of these beautiful treatment plants, so we must strictly limit the number of replica plant knickknacks to five per collector, per plant.” The first of the series is the beautifully detailed Stickney Water Reclamation Plant, with the Blawnox Plant to follow. Savvy investors note that tiny replica Ironworks from the early 2000’s now command top dollar at auctions and online resources. The price for each diminutive waste water treatment plant replica is an amazingly low three payments of $79.99 (plus processing) and these collectibles are available from Brannix Studios only while supplies last.
Brannix Studios also points out that not all replica plants go up in value; some go down.
Since the death of Thomas Kinkade many of his works have skyrocketed in value. His painting “Thatched roof cottage in bullshit twilight number wtf-ever 17”, which originally sold for 6 payments of $29.95 on QVC, sold at auction for 6 payments of $31.00, while his “Some crap I did when I couldn’t sleep Thursday night when I was worried about that court appearance that has like pink and purple skies and snow and Hobbit like cottage and snow and shit” set a record for 6 payments of $32.05.
Thomas Kincade lived in a lonely lighthouse perched on a crag.
Thomas Kinkade’s lonely lighthouse was redone by Trump surrogate Antonio Sabato, Jr., who converted it into a caboose on a garbage barge for the new owner, Orson Bean. The crag was fracked to extract natural gas and a confession.
Herbert George Orson Orwells-Bean either wrote the novel War of the Worlds, the radio play adaptation, both, or neither depending on the latest revision of Wikipedia. His contributions to lighthouse design remain obscure however.
Orson Bean refused to endorse Donald Trump during the Republican primaries, supporting instead the ghost of Ronald Reagan “for his hair alone,” Bean said in an interview with Lombardy Pudding Elk Fancy.
The support group for people with a Lombardy Pudding Elk fancy has been moved to Thursday nights at 7:30. You pervs.
Lombard Puddy Elk Fanciers Support Group, LIVE is part of Thursday Night’s Must See TV’s new primetime line-up. Followed at 8:00pm with Friend’s Fanciers Support Group LIVE. “It’s crap!” claims Variety.
It’s said Variety is the spice of life. Except on Arrakis.