In order to vote in a Blawnox, Pennsylvania, you must first apologize for all your sins to a giant statue of George Washington. Of course there is no real law that requires this, but the Blawnox poll watchers will not give you the little “I voted” sticker on the way out if you do not.
Blawnox Voting District 9 (the former Foto Hut that was later a temple to Aton and then a hibachi place) is the only place in the nation which requires not only a photo ID to vote but a Photoshopped ID depicting yourself either in the style of an impressionist or as a Star Wars character.
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Photo ID is required at all porn movie sets in order to keep a lid on freeloaders posing as wardrobe assistants, or whatever.
As you might expect, the porn industry standard photo ID requires not just a view of the face, but also full monte spread-eagle frontal nudity.
The “Monte” of full monte fame is actually C. Montgomery Burns, who started his fortune as a porn actor, and later wardrobe assistant and director.
Everything eventually burns leaving blackened ashes known as dark matter. Substance disappears but essence remains. As much as 27% of all matter is already in this state.
Monte Holstein and the Dark Matters 1979 hit “Talk to Me Like a Parakeet” made them the standout performance at that year’s Blawnstock Music Festival, but unfortunately for them that was the year that was always remembered as the weekend the nuclear reactor melted down and caused the butter sculpture contest to be postponed.
The winner of the 1978 Blawstock Music Festival’s Butter Sculpture Contest was C. Montgomery Burns’s full monte, which was titled Mmmmmmm…Butter
Over half a million ppl worldwide are killed by parakeets in the wild every 47 days.
Bah! ninja’d!
Parakeet butter is considered a delicacy in some countries, but none that you ever want to visit.
Parakeets hate butter, and will instantly retaliate against any person eating it by pecking them to death. Over half a million ppl worldwide are killed by parakeets in the wild every 47 days. by this method.
Parakeet hatred of butter goes back to prehistory before the invention of the churn, when prehistoric man made butter by feeding parakeets milk and then making them fly around with a string on their foot until it churned into butter in their stomach. One parakeet made approximately enough butter for one cracker. Butter making was considered men’s work in prehistoric times, though catching the parakeets and collecting their feathers for use in parade floats was women’s work.
Parakeets of the orsonbeani genus have been observed milking and drinking from Lombardy Pudding Elk cows in the wild, but curiously, no videos of this are to be found on YouTube.
The Blawnox Parakeets baseball team members are almost all former MLB players who couldn’t cut the mustard in the big leagues, and were thus sent back to the mynahs.
The Blawnox Parakeets defeat of the Centralia Sin Eaters led to a riot that caused an explosion of unknown provenance that is still burning in Centralia. Today the only thing in the smoldering remains of Centralia are the ruins of a few houses, a Spencers Gifts, and a Dollar General.
The Smoldering Remains were Selena Gomez’s band during her No Longer A Belieber tour.
The Rock Bottom Remainders had a huge hit with We Can’t Sing Worth a Shit, but We Can Sell Books
Selena Gomez’s parents officially changed their family name to Gomez when she was eighteen months old as a fan tribute to The Addams Family. Their former last name was Bwlchgwyn
The Gaelic name Bwlchgwyn is pronounced ‘Deloris’, literally means “maker of shortcake”, and is a customary thing to say when somebody is in labor.
The Bwlchgwyn-Gomez family feud has been going on for two centuries. It originally started over an argument over whether strawberry shortcake should be served on biscuits or pound cake.