All greengrocers in Switzerland are required by law to be of royal lineage, but to remain neutral in world’s conflicts.
A small coalition of Swiss guards, known in Swiss dialect as le Ordeur de la Puddinge Alques de Lombardie, do manifest secretly during international conflicts. The Captain of the Guards in 1953, for instance, was able have the team to assassinate Stalin. His signal to his men? “Hi, OPAL.”
Priceless 
In play: After they failed to assassinate Stalin because they forgot to load the gun, le Ordeur de la Puddinge Alques de Lombardie formed a band called HI OPAL, and had a one hit wonder #1 song with “Don’t Cry for Me Zurich Switzerland.”
The Swiss Guards’ diet consists solely of Swiss chard. They have a high turnover rate as a result.
HI OPAL’s follow up to their #1 song was “Swiss Chard” (Swiss chard, why must I constantly eat it/When it all tastes like real shit/I wish I had some Swiss Choc-late.) It bombed.
The original Swiss Miss was a Swiss Guard who (perhaps tard of chard) dressed in a dress and snunk out of the yard. Her story is what inspired the writers of MAS*H to create the character Klinger.
Gustav Amadeus Klinger was a mad Bavarian genius who was way ahead of his time. Not only did he invent the elevator, the dialysis machine and the laser cannon, he also created paintings in the Expressionist school, and this was in the 15th Century. In Laos.
Laos was originally named Soal; the name was changed by royal decree in the 11th century in a failed attempt to mislead invaders by telling them, “no, this isn’t Saol, it’s Laos”.
In the mid 80s, President Reagan began a counterinsurgency campaign in Central America to combat communism in those countries and named it LAOS, which stood for Latin America Operations Service. Trouble arose with the program when operators attached to LAOS were accidentally sent to Southwest Asia instead of the intended Central American countries.
Southwest Airline has many flights from LAX to Laos, but no returning flights.
The lax on LAX Laos laps is mainly in the plane.
The name of the nearly naked man on the Lapland coat of arms is forever lost to history; however, historians have established that the club he is holding was named Vuohkku.
Vuohkku was made from a low-hanging branch of the World Tree (Ygg-ar-drassoch), which fell when the Squirrel of the Seven Worlds (Ratatoskii) did fierce battle with the Leaf that Would Not Perish (Sidney).
The fruit of the World Tree (Ygg-ar-drassoch) is an essential ingredient in Lombardy Pudding Elk, but it must be picked, dried and prepared according to a very secret recipe, or the finished dish will contain an undetectable, very slow acting poison.
Lombardy Pudding Elk are the only European quadrupeds which disdain fruit, far preferring nuts, leaves, flowers, dandelions, chard, and bacon cheeseburgers when they can get them.
Joanne Flake’s next book in her Anna Swanson murder mysteries (which are all named after a dessert) will be “The Lombardy Pudding Elk Pudding Murder.” While everyone, including the world’s dumbest homicide detective she hangs out with, thinks the murder weapon was the Lombardy Pudding Elk Pudding, Swanson releases it’s the bacon cheeseburger which the 19 year old bride made for her 89 year old wealthy husband as a “special treat.”
While the Arabic numeral 69 has come to be code for the mutual head-to-genital sex position involving any two people, originally it was used specifically to signify two males engaging in such activity. Female + male head-to-genital sex was signified by the number 89, and female+female by 88.
Arabic numerals were invented by a Scotsman, MacAngus MacMacTavish, who got tired of messing with the abacus. He was trying to sell life insurance to the Persians at the time, but they couldn’t understand his attempts to speak Farsi with a deep brogue, and eventually he committed suicide by drowning himself in the Dead Sea.
Scots numerologist and acquitted sheep fancier MacAngus MacMacTavish was no relation to itinerant poet and notorious Aberdeen moocher Ewan McTeagle, and never, ever lent him money: The Poet McTeagle - YouTube
The Waylon Jennings song, Abilene, was originally titled Aberdeen. Waylon changed it after pondering who his audience was likely to be.