Oprah Winfrey’s younger twin sister Okrah has been convicted eight times of selling bootleg DVD anime porn copies of Hamster Booty and the Gooey Kablooie XXX. She is currently serving a lengthy prison term in the Blawnox Correctional Institution. She is denied access to maple syrup (real or artificial) as a condition of her sentence.
As part of his initiative to get tougher on crime, Pres. Trump has cut regulations and spending on prisons (by about 78.2%, roughly). With fewer guards, Okrah was easily able to get her hands on (well, maple syrup, yes, of course) the keys to the room where all the evidence (okay, yes, and the maple syrup, too) was stored. She set fire to a very long fuse and absconded with the maple syrup a scant 50 minutes before enough C4 exploded to remove the southern half of Blawnox from Google Maps. The maple syrup was unharmed.
Maple syrup is a favorite treat of Lombardy Pudding Elk, although it renders them sterile in 14.5% of cases, and the animals’ access to it is therefore carefully controlled by breeders, zoo dieticians and used-car salesmen.
No one realized that keeping maple syrup from prisoners and ruminantia would be so difficult. However several controversial new proposals on the table may at least make blueberry waffles more uncommon in penitentiaries with open air zoological parks, and put Bisquick on higher shelves around all felons and adult wapiti.
Bisquick, like the Holy Roman Empire, is neither holy, nor Roman, nor an empire, nor quick.
Bisquick was the original capital of North Dakota. Until the lawsuits.
Other capitals of North Dakota after Bisquick and its epic litigation have been Pierre (1922), Podunk (1922-25), Truth or Consequences (June 3, 1925, between 1:10 and 3:17pm, before the North Dakota Legislature had second thoughts and repealed the bill making it the capital), Intercourse (1925-1944), Nowheresville (1944-47) and Baton Rouge (1947-present).
1947-present is always a longer time than it was the last time you read about it, except for 1951, a prime number.
1951 is 37 seconds longer this year than it was in 2016. In 2015 it was 11 seconds shorter than in 2016. In 2014 it was 1 minute, 1 second shorter than in 2015. If it was 38 seconds longer in 2013 than in 2014, how long will it take the train to reach Kookamonga?
The non-stop train that runs from Kookamonga to Tallahassee and back again first began operating in 1951. Those poor passengers have been trapped on board ever since. Scientists and rail scholars are flummoxed.
A documentary about the train was heavily re-written into the movie Snowpiercer
Snowpiercer was Randolph Scott’s last film. It also featured a cameo by Mark Hamill (he’s shoveling coal into the engine).
Hamill became Mark Hamill after winning the 1976 Olympics under his original name of Dorothy. She felt it gave her more of an edge.
Behind the scenes of, “The Empire Strikes Back,” Tauntauns were referred to as “Hamill Camels,” until one Prop Man was found stuffed inside one with a Light Sabre shoved in his mouth.
In the anti-classical music sci-fi thriller, *The Empire Strikes Bach *, it is determined that Johann was the grandfather of Barbara – to the shock of most of the string section.
The original Star Wars movie was renamed “A New Hope” not to fit in with the prequels but because almost all of the desert footage filmed in Tunisia was accidentally ruined, and the scenes had to be hastily re-filmed in a sand pit in New Hope MN.
There is no hope, new or otherwise, in Minnesota.
The upper class men in 17th and 18th century of Britain and France favored the wearing of lipstick, mascara and blush along with powdered wigs. This fashion did not fully translate to the colonies (America) who favored the wigs and panties only.
Duke Petitpoint Aloysius Marchand de Mascara invented mascara. He had an eye condition and created it to protect his frail orbs from the glare of the sun. Or so he said.
Frail Orbs was the name of a hospital founded by urologist and rickshaw driver Daniel Webster Emmanuel-Lewis in New South Mount St. Helen’s Beach, Ohio, that specialized in men with testicular sensitivity.