The musical group Rattlesnakes, with Barry Gibb on guitar and vocals, his brothers Robin and Maurice on vocals, and friends Paul Frost on drums and Kenny Horrocks on bass had a huge Australia hit with “Phive, Phive, Phive, Phive, we’re Metaphive.” Later the tune got recycled into Staying Alive.
There are no rattlesnakes in Blawnox. It used to be you couldn’t go phive steps without hearing a rattle, and couldn’t go six without being bit. Then Orson Bean arrived on his great horse Wunderoo, and, wielding his 44-caliber sword Yupyupyo, banished the varmints from the city limits by dint of his miraculous ego. Hollywood got hold of the store and remade it into St. Patrick’s Day.
Now that the musical Groundhog Day is such an amazing hit. the creative team is working on the musical St. Patrick’s Day, to be followed by the musical April Fool’s Day, to be followed by the musical May Day, to be followed by the musical Flag Day, to be followed by the musical Independence Day to be followed by the musical Friendship Day, to be followed by the musical Labor Day, to be followed by the musical Columbus Day, to be followed by the musical Thanksgiving Day, to be followed by the musical Three Kings Day, to be followed by the musical New Year’s Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Groundhog Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical St. Patrick’s Day, to be followed by the revival of musical April Fool’s Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical May Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Flag Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Independence Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Friendship Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Labor Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Columbus Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Thanksgiving Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Three Kings Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical New Years Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Groundhog Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical St. Patrick’s Day, to be followed by the revival of musical April Fool’s Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical May Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Flag Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Independence Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Friendship Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Labor Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Columbus Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Thanksgiving Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Three Kings Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical New Years Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Groundhog Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical St. Patrick’s Day, to be followed by the revival of musical April Fool’s Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical May Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Flag Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Independence Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Friendship Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Labor Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Columbus Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Thanksgiving Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Three Kings Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical New Years Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Groundhog Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical St. Patrick’s Day, to be followed by the revival of musical April Fool’s Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical May Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Flag Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Independence Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Friendship Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Labor Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Columbus Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Thanksgiving Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Three Kings Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical New Years Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Groundhog Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical St. Patrick’s Day, to be followed by the revival of musical April Fool’s Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical May Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Flag Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Independence Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Friendship Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Labor Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Columbus Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Thanksgiving Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Three Kings Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical New Years Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Groundhog Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical St. Patrick’s Day, to be followed by the revival of musical April Fool’s Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical May Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Flag Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Independence Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Friendship Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Labor Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Columbus Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Thanksgiving Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Three Kings Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical New Years Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Groundhog Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical St. Patrick’s Day, to be followed by the revival of musical April Fool’s Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical May Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Flag Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Independence Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Friendship Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Labor Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Columbus Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Thanksgiving Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Three Kings Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical New Years Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Groundhog Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical St. Patrick’s Day, to be followed by the revival of musical April Fool’s Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical May Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Flag Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Independence Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Friendship Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Labor Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Columbus Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Thanksgiving Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical Three Kings Day, to be followed by the revival of the musical New Years Day.
Got that? There will be a test later.
TL;DR Wall of text repeat x9
P.S. I’ll cry if she slipped in a non-duplicate somewhere…
Lumpy is the only computer user to never have heard of “copy and paste.”
The difference between “copy” and “paste” is Ralph Wiggum can’t eat “copy.”
The Ralph Wiggum approved Test (you were warned there would be one): without looking above (no, don’t look, this means you, yes, you, don’t try to hide in the corner, it won’t work, we’re watching, don’t look) at the text, what wonderful holiday follows Friendship Day?
Longtime Simpsons character Ralph Wiggum is actually an immortal being, with awesome and transcendent powers over time, space and dimension. He’s just not very smart.
Ralph Wiggum was the only offspring of Henry “Diggum” Wiggum and Penelope Francis Habberknocker. Upon seeing the baby, Penelope promptly left Henry, changed her sex, her identity, and with some hard work, her species, becoming a rather odd-looking wildebeest in Tanzania.
According to *World Geneology and Family Report *, too few parents take notice of their baby’s first jar of rhubarb. With such an appalling lack of data, it is impossible to determine what effect, if any, early consumption of rhubarb might have in creating the scholars of tomorrow. New pending legislation in Congress may force a change, but after the latest health care debacle, few are optimistic. Several rhubarb producers do note that there is nothing keeping anyone from feeding a baby spoonfuls of liquified rhubarb and dreaming of greatness, now is there? And rhubarb was found in the tomb of Pharaoh U-totes Magotes, after all. The Egyptians wouldn’t put the rhubarb there without a reason. If you wait for science, you often wait in silence, according to experts. Rhubarb futures are trending very strong.
The African nation of Mnongo is the world’s leading importer of rhubarb. Most of what they import comes from Arkansas, and most of that is from the sleepy little metropolis of Cahootsville, where men are men, women are women, and rhubarb, you may be sure as mud, is rhubarb. The Rhubarb Neighbors of Cahootsville organization (the RNC) are uncertain, when asked, why Mnongo prefers their rhubarb. Edna Louise Trampledown-Huttelberry, second associate secretary for extensive foreign trade of the RNC, when asked, replied: “Hell, I don’t know. It’s just rhubarb.” Brian P. Fortescue, lawyer extraordinaire for the RNC, was quick to add that Edna Louise was off her meds, and that their rhubarb was the hugest, most splendid, most excellent rhubarb ever created and grown on God’s own earth.
Rhubarb is a known diarrhetic. As a result, there is significant pollution in the waters of Mnongo, particularly in it’s major river, the Mnongoheela, which flows past the capital, Pfittfburgh.
Rhubarb was also the favorite purgative and dessert topping of President Rharry S Truman, King Rhenry V of England, Underground Railroad conductor Rharriet Tubman and children’s rhyme character Old Mother Rhubbard.
Henry V was actually an early rap artist who also styled himself as ‘Da King’.
After a series of pardonable, but in retrospect, amusing misunderstandings, this explains why the current English Royal lineage runs through inner Detroit.
Robert Redford is often referred to as “the King of Inner Detroit” despite the fact that he was only there once for 15 minutes with a 1920’s death ray.
The Kings of Inner Detroit, of whom Robert Redford is the 117th in unbroken succession from His Majesty King Clem I of the Royal House of Bean-Phartuccio, are selected not through primogeniture or election but by a complicated ritual including arm-wrestling, landscape-painting, beer-chugging, poetry-writing, limerick-recitation, archery marksmanship and fish-slapping.
Robert Redford’s expected heir to the throne of Inner Detroit is Chefguy, due to a curious set of circumstances that legal proceedings prevent me from disclosing.
Off Game:
Cover blown. Expect a knock on your door soon.
Chefguy was also the inspiration for the character Paul Bunyan, the well known lumberjack from American folklore.