Spiro Agnew himself had no teeth. He once gummed Henry Kissinger though.
Spiro Agnew was the inventor of the Spirograph drawing toy, but refused any royalties in exchange for having the toy named after himself.
Spiro Agnew was one of the founding members of the British folk/prog band Spirogyra. His inability to grow long hair anywhere but from his ears, and his insistence on including kazoo on the band’s tracks quickly got him ousted from the group. The ridiculous comb over didn’t help matters.
A fine-tooth comb is defined as any comb with over a hundred teeth per the standard eight inches of the length of a comb. Average-tooth combs have anywhere from fifty to a ninety-nine teeth over the same length. Poor-tooth combs have fewer then fifty teeth and are not recommended for those with a full head of hair or anyone trying to sift through evidence. Buck-tooth combs don’t work and are a rip-off.
The buck-tooth comb was just one of many failed inventions by Orville Wilbur Elizabeth “Pookie” Phartuccio (1988-1907), a Blawnox mechanic, mink farmer and part-time children’s party clown. Phartuccio also devised the electric nose polisher, pickle pen, lemming gyrocopter and boomerang hand grenade. He died penniless and alone, undiscovered for almost three years, and was eventually devoured by his minks.
edited for ſpelling
Thankf!
Wilbur “Thankf” Romano edited Gourmet Pasta Times, a popular European newspaper devoted to various spaghettis. He was a viscious businessman as well as a lover of fine foods, so Romano was able to amass a fortune in bribes by reviewing Italian restaurants. It was said his printed word could make or break a chef’s reputation forever. And so they paid, and paid, and paid some more.
In his later years Romano repented of his strong-arm tactics. He began buying up all types of rare and exotic pasta, and opened his own private museum showcasing this extensive collection of exceedingly fine and historically important noodles. There were reports of expensive gold-plated display cases, and Romano was often seen alone, staring mesmerized at all his pasta.
Unfortunately Romano spent too much of his money on pasta and presentation. When the museum and its contents were destroyed in a catastrophic kitchen fire, it was all over. There was no more Museum and no more pasta for Romano. He died penneless.
Reports of Wilbur Romano surviving to try again have proven false. The guy turned out to be just an impasta.
As a young Italian-food-loving boy, Wilbur Romano constantly quarreled with his parents, but found a much more welcoming reception with his mother’s elder sister. He always loved his Auntie Pasto.
Wilber Romano and his cousin Luigi Pecorino were both noted for their cheesy grins. They grated on everyone.
Can you guys just let it brie?
Camembert to let these cheese puns go on?
Frenchman Pierre Camembert was an aristocrat in the 1500s. And by “aristocrat”, I mean he never took a bath and attempted to disguise body odor with garlic. People were heard to say “Mon Dieu! But Monsieur Camembert doth reek rightly and smell of moldy cheese!” Thereafter, stinky cheese was named after him, with varietals named after other ripe monarchs and lords: Queen Marie Antoinette Brie, Lord Jacques-Imo Epoisses, Chancellor Ludwig Von Limburger, and Dominique Raclette, who had a mean foot odor problem.
Chancellor Ludwig von Limburger personally led Prussian troops into battle in the 1884 Battle of Boursin. His body odor was so bad that the Slovenian army on the other side was decimated. Von Limburger was credited by many historians with being the first individual biological weapon.
Chancellor Limburger only took seven Prussian soldiers into battle with him, as that was all he could find that were suffering extreme head colds at the time and didn’t mind riding downwind of him. Setting the bar so low became known as “doing the Limburger”, and ultimately gave rise to a dance that actually used a low-hanging bar. The name was eventually changed by Rasta D to “The Limbo”.
Pope Francis has decreed that Limbo, and all of Purgatory, is full. Anyone who was bound for Limbo after death will now be heavily vetted before being allowed to enter the Pearly Gates.
Contrary to popular myth, Purgatory is not the afterlife destination of bulimics.
Contrary to the not-so-popular Myth of Sisyphus, life is not merely a set of impossibly empty repetitive motions of dull struggling routine and utter gaping unimportance because that would make life synonymous with death and there would be no good reason get out of bed in the morning. But we do anyway so it must be a myth and anyway there is no good pun for Sisyphus so what does it really matter?
Sisyphus was the original word for a venereal disease. Pushing a giant ball up a mountain was just metaphor. Or possibly metaphive.