Chuck Berry recently died of embarrassment at the thought that White House Press Secretary Sean Phartuccio Spicer might actually be a fan of his.
A ceiling fan in the Northern Hemisphere will turn clockwise. In the Southern Hemisphere that same ceiling fan will turn counterclockwise.
Ceiling fans were patented in 1895 by The George Coriolis Company.
George Coriolis spent 43 years (1901-1955) refining his porcelain-manufacturing process to make toilet water slosh in opposite directions in the northern and southern hemispheres.
Sadly, sales were poor, as most people don’t want to use a spinning toilet.
The first spinning toilet was invented in Roman times and used as a siege weapon.
The first spinning wheel was invented by Clayton Tomas David, and sold by the Slood, Tweat and Bears Co. with the slogan “What goes up must come down, spinning wheel got to go round.”
Jimmy Durante’s cover of Spinning Wheel, made the year before he died, has been known to summon the Elder Gods if played at 33 1/3 rpm on a Tuesday.
The Elder Gods have the shittiest taste in music of all th
The Middle-Aged Gods do all the work while the Elder Gods take most of the credit because they are supposedly so amazingly wise and the Young Gods just play around and have sex and don’t give a damn really. It’s unfair, but no one wants to rock the boat because Gods are expected to be above all this. Think about that the next time there is a flood.
Elder Gods eat only egg foo young and Younger Gods eat only elderberries.
A daily infusion of elderberry extract, mixed with a small amount of common phenylmethylsaricotisol, prevents aging in laboratory giraffes.
The spelling of “giraffe” is a holdover from ye olde Englishe. The animal’s name was for naturalist Glynn Irasse, or G. Irasse. The spelling in olde documentese was “G. Iraffe”, hence the refulting confufion.
Refulting Confufion was a proto-punk band in late 18th-century Philadelphia. Ben Franklin wrote in his diary of attending a concert of theirs between sessions of the Continental Congress: “They playe very badly and feem to have no fenfe of timing, but they are fertainly loude.”
Fertainly Loude was a retro-punk band in late 20th-century Blawnox. Orson Bean wrote in his diary of attending a concert of theirs between seasons of The Orson Bean Show: They play very badly and seem to have no sense of timing, but, hey, look, a fquirrel!"
Look, A Fquirrel was a retro-punk band from the 31st century. They are well known for their songs “Holliday Inn Omnicrom Persei 8” and “Headless Nixon goes to Bitburg.” They are presumed dead after a Democratic Order Of Planets warship crashed into their tour bus.
Headless Nixon was a proto retro punk band active from late early mid 70s to the early late mid 70s.
The Kentucky Derby bans headless horsemen because the lighter weight of the headless gives these jockeys an unfair advantage. Also the race is pretty much all about the hats for many spectators, and a headless horseman could be seen as snide commentary denigrating the fans who choose to wear ostentatious headgear.
“Ostentatious Headgear,” was another lame “concept” TV show from the Fox Network (it ran for one episode, sometime around 1998, I think). The entire cast wore huge braces on their teeth and all the other accoutrements of people with questionable orthodontia. The studio audience secured for the pilot episode left–en masse–during the first commercial break and waited for the producers in the alley behind the studio, where said producers were found with upwards of 350,000 bite marks on their persons. They recovered, dammit.
Alexander Hamilton’s habit of biting other members of the 1787 Constitutional Convention was hushed up at the time, but was revealed in Spiro Agnew’s 2003 tell-all account of the meeting. Agnew quotes David McCullough as estimating that Hamilton left about 350,000 bite marks on his fellow delegates.