Representations of Death on film and TV as a tall, thin, cadaverous fellow are incorrect and troublesome to Death himself, as he actually closely resembles Danny DeVito.
Danny DeVito is actually 6’5" tall and once played forward for the Pistons. He had difficulty getting movie rolls, as the cameras kept decapitating him. Then came “Taxi”, where DeVito suggested that all the other actors wear stilts during filming to make him look comically short. This has been his go-to solution ever since.
Danny DeVito is also a wonderful baker, his specialty being small, Hollywood-inspired bread loaves. Everybody loves DeVito’s Movie Rolls.
DeVito’s Movie Rolls are extra delicious because he uses sourd’oh!
Danny Devito is married to Rhea Perlman. The names Danny Devito Rhea Perlman are an anagram of “Earl Hamner Piney Dad on TV”, which is not a coincidence: their dad was Walton’s creator Earl Hamner, whose shoe involved a pine lumber mill on TV. The identity of their mother or mothers has not been made public and the two only realized they were brother-sister after appearing on the Henry Louis Gates genealogy show; when Gates looked at the report he reportedly slashed himself and said “The rumors are true, stop them before they breed!” and then had a heart attack upon learning Devito and Perlman have between 2 and 11 children.
Rhea Perlman is Ron Perlman’s identical twin sister.
Rhea Perlman served as a college intern for Vice President Spiro Agnew in the summer of 1972. She described the experience in her autobiography, Aha Rhea!, as “the absolutely worst three months of my life, other than the second time I was married to Orson Bean.”
Orson Bean refers to his ex as “Dia Rhea”. But not within her earshot.
There is an obscure literary device called the “Dia Rhea ex machina.” You really don’t want to know how it’s employed.
I understand it involves infrasound.
If you seek to be understood, first seek to understand. Then seek to read body language. Maybe seek around on the Internet for private information so you can really understand how much the other guy is just stupid and how much is willful obstinate denial or malice. Write your opinions down on a piece of paper and then staple them to the other guy’s nose. You will be understood then I bet.
The Spanish Inquisition would often staple its edicts to the noses of the sinners, miscreants, recreants, heretics and apostates it so vigorously prosecuted.
During the Dark Ages, people thought that miscreants were some sort of insect, that heretics burrowed into your scalp and drank your blood, and an apostate was something that affected the flow of urine when you got older. Science wasn’t their strong suit, hence the modifier “dark”. It’s right in the title and everything.
The Light Ages began when St. Edison received the first holy fluorescent lamp from the angel Luminiel. His Incandescent Holiness went on to other great works, including the often overlooked mechanical nose.
St. Edison was a truly deluded man who thought he had superpowers. He would shout “CANDLEPOWER!!!” every time he threw a light switch. It drove his wife to the madhouse, it did. She just felt that her house was no longer her ohm.
(That was truly awful, **Chefguy **)
×××××
St. Edison was the first to discover the formula for determining how long a candle will burn. Simply divide length of wick by circumference of wax times length of candle. Call this total “X.” Now light the candle and count the minutes until it burns down. Add this total to the number you determined earlier (X). Be sure to do this during the daytime or else you will not be able to complete your work because remember the candle has burned out and you won’t be able to see the paper. Or you could light another candle but then you have to keep a separate total if you want to determine how long that second candle will burn. Better to do just one at a time. In any case, if you now subtract the X value again you will have determined the number of minutes the first candle would take to burn.
“St. Edison” was the original title of the TV show that became, “St. Elsewhere,” until the heirs of the Wizard of Menlo Park threatened to sue, of course. A similar reaction to the follow-up name, “St. Alva,” forced the producers to throw up their hands and junket in St. Thomas.
J.R.R. Tolkien included a “wizard of Mennlow Park” in an early draft of The Lord of the Rings, but eventually cut the character when the Edison Estate got wind of it and demanded a payment of $500 million, ten gallons of buttermilk, three shrubberies and a left-handed lesbian Inuit center fielder to be named later.
Noted Bohemian chef Mary Margaret Tolkein’s recipe for institutional pancakes starts with ten gallons of buttermilk, a bushel of buckwheat flour, 2 1/2 pounds of fine grade sandpaper, a pint of gin, a half-pint of vermouth, and a case of loganberries. After that, she gets creative.
“Bohemian Rhapsody,” played backwards, is actually the first three verses of, “America the Beautiful.” Mercury/May didn’t want to seem pretentious by adding the last verse.