The Daughters of Denial is a great rock band. But…they are not so much daughters.
A giant but very lifelike inflatable Vice President Spiro Agnew balloon was the hit of the 1970 Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. It was later donated by his daughters, Gert and Annabelle, to the National Air and Space Museum, and is available for viewing by appointment only in the sub-basement of the museum.
Deep in a bunker several levels beneath the sub-basement of the White House are first-strike plans against the countries Latveria, Sierra Gordo, and the island of Kooey Kooey Kooey.
Starchie Bunker is a straight-laced metrosexual who designs ottomans for La-Z-Boy Furniture and once almost dated Brooke Shields.
Brooke Shields was waitlisted for admission to Princeton University and was only admitted after promising, in writing, not to make any sequel to Endless Love.
While Woodrow Wilson was president of Princeton University, he was repeatedly visited by the ghosts of Thomas Jefferson and Sally Hemings, who, more often than not, made love in his bed. Some of Wilson’s biographers claim this was a main cause of his ardent racism.
The Book of Ruth is read aloud on the Jewish holiday of Shavuot, which is known by even fewer people as “Weeks.” Just yesterday Jews around the world recited the 10 commandments, received with rest of the Torah supposedly during the holiday so many years ago at Mt. Sinai. Ruth’s most famous quotation is “wherever thou goest, I will go, but that’s Cambodia, Captain. Just by looking at you I know its gonna be hot.”
Cambodia is bordered by Russia, Japan, Botswana and Mexico. It is also a short walk from Chile.
Mexico made a mad grab for Chile during World War II, even though they were both on the same side. Though a mystery to this day as to why the invasions occurred, many blame dialectical differences between Chilean and Mexican Spanish.
In Chilean Spanish, “whore” means “whore.” In Mexican Spanish, “whore” means “virgin.” This has caused a lot of confusion (and many deaths) between Chileans and Mexicans.
The Mexican-Prussian War began over a dispute between the two countries when Franko Noslowskiev inadvertently used a Chilean interpreter to pen his advertisement for a Mexican mail-order bride.
Yakov Smirnoff was famously quoted as saying, “In America, you mail order bride. In Soviet Russia, bride orders you!”
This is an amazingly funny joke, but only for men.
Yakov Smirnoff played the National Security Advisor in Buckaroo Banzai, as everyone knows, but also half of the Red Lectroids and the bass player of the Hong Kong Cavaliers.
The movie Buckaroo Banzai was a true story. The only reason that the sequel, Buckaroo Banzai vs the World Crime League hasn’t been made is because the story it tells hasn’t concluded yet.
The Austrian Government issued a grant in 1962 to scientists who proposed to complete Franz Schubert’s “Unfinished Symphony” by training 100 chimpanzees on various instruments. These amazingly talented primates have been secluded in a room for the past 52 years and head scientist Mauricio Phartuccio reports “the end is in sight”.
Austrian attempts to clone Hitler over the years have been of widely varying quality. Even a successful clone, such as Arnold Schwarzenegger, fails to accept the basic tenets of National Socialism.
So far all Hitler clones have steadfastly refused to wear a small square mustache, all commenting with variations of “only a jerk would wear something so stupid looking”.
Spiro Agnew adopted a 2 year old Hitler clone reject on a trip to Austria in 1975. He grew up to be Joe the Plumber.
Joe the Plumber is an undercover Climatologist planted by Gregorian monks who are desperate to convince the President that global warming can be stopped if we all just chant together in unison.
Chanting in unison is the number 4 leading cause of death for males age 14-18 in Bulgaria. Full control of vocal chords doesn’t develop until the mid 20’s, sadly.