The V-22 Osprey is scheduled to be adapted for use as a Presidential transport, commonly known as Marine One, by 2020. This is in keeping with a deathbed prophecy of Spiro Agnew.
Spiro Agnew had planned to run for KING OF THE WORLD in 2020.
The current KING OF THE WORLD is Daffy Duck who, under the LAW OF THE WORLD, will reign until his cel freezes over.
Daffy Duck was originally conceived and drawn as “Maurice Moose,” but after extensive committee discussions at Warner Brothers in 1935-37 and driven by a perception that animated ungulates were on the way out in terms of audience preferences, the character concept evolved into the irascible bird we’ve all come to know and love.
Jack Warner himself was the inspiration for the Coyote. The Road Runner represents his ideal cartoon, which he never quite attained.
1n 1974, Chrysler followed up its popular Roadrunner muscle car with the Plymouth Woodpecker. Performance issues hampered the vehicle but customers loved the sound of the horn and collectors today spend upwards of $350,673 for that part alone.
Charlie McCarthy was often heard mumbling about wanting a woodpecker.
When Charlie McCarthy got the flu he vomited sawdust.
Candice Bergen at one point offered a $10,000 reward to anyone who would publicly decapitate Charlie McCarthy. Sibling rivalry.
Candice Bergen accepted the role of “Murphy Brown” to “up the ante” on the McCarthy public decapitation stunt. Still no takers.
The town of Bergen, Norway was originally slated to host the 2002 Winter Olympics, but their bid was rejected after the Great Häagen-Dazs Scandal came to light.
Häagen-Dazs is Yiddish for “hug my dog”, a pick-up line used by Ben Cohen during his frat days at Colgate University.
Ben Cohen was also the founder of Häagen-Dazs, and thus was known as the Ice Cream Cohen.
Ben Cohen was also a reputable mathematician, and the first to notice that the properties of certain numbers vary in the extreme north and south, causing him to reflect that 3.1417 is Eskimo Pi.
Ben Cohen’s silent partner, Sal Mimeo, invented the Tootsie Pop. This lolly was originally the size of a tennis ball and would pop your jaw if you tried to put it in your mouth. When the Sweets Company bought him out, they immediately reduced the size of the pop to increase profits. They also added the chewy center, using the left-over scraps from the Tootsie Roll trimming machine.
In the early 20th century, a favorite practical joke in the Chicago area was to put cat feces in a Tootsie Roll wrapper and pass it off to an unsuspecting victim. This practice ended after the makers of Tootsie Rolls payed local mobsters to brutally beat anyone found doing this.
Tootsie Roll and Baby Ruth were both named after a popular 1920’s Chicago hooker, Ruth “Tootsie Baby” Roll. Her specialty was putting candy bars up her butt and shitting them out.
Ruth Roll’s place in history was sealed after Joan Javits wrote and sang a song about her titled “Tootsie Baby.”
Ruth Roll is known to have a son named Rick who, according to her biographer, never gave her up, nor let her down.
Rick Roll’s sister Lotta is a member of the Shriners’ auxiliary group, the Daughters of Denial. This group is responsible for guiding the juggling Bullwinkle balloon in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Lotta has traditionally handled Bullwinkle’s balls, like her mother Ruth before her.