The Little Bang would have been more successful if they had had some decent quantum mechanics who knew how to wave an astral wrench.
With the success of “Young Sheldon,” look for, “Little Bang Theory,” coming to a TV set near you.
The “Eensy Weensy Bang” was a theory put forth by Prof. Eustace “Bobo” Phartuccio of the astrophysics department of the University of West Blawnox in June 1977. To date, no one else has endorsed it. Phartuccio died of an apparent autoerotic asphyxiation accident at a Chuck-E-Cheese late in 2011.
Celebrity deaths by autoerotic asphyxiation were traditionally reported as accidents that occurred while a man was “cleaning his gun.”
In 1997, esoteric asphyxiation was the number one underreported method of celebrity deaths.
Unusual animal-related celebrity deaths include James Dean (pecked to death by geese, Des Moines, 1954), Clark Gable (sucked dry by vampire bats, Panama City, 1947) and J.S. Bach (trampled by Lombardy Pudding Elk, Ulm, 1710).
However, Gregory Peck was not pecked to death, Adam West was not batted to death, and Vince Lombardy was not trampled to death.
Gregory Peck was hanged by the neck until he was dead by a bunch of Chicago lawyers who found his performance in To Kill A Mockingbird put undue pressure on them to be moral; Adam West died after a marathon sex session with four woman in Catwoman outfits, and Vince Lombardy died peacefully in his sleep after an overdose of Demerol administered by Anita Bryant.
Anita Bryant changed her mind about “the whole lesbian thing” after a series of trysts with an unknown American woman who later lost an election to total loser of a misogynistic asshole of a man who has had more than one divorce and who knows how many affairs. This is what destroyed her career and marriage, which she later blamed on the homosexual agenda. Her own.
Anita Gal met Guy Huggenkiss in 2012 and sparks immediately flew between the two. Everyone thought that they were a perfect couple up until the night before their wedding when both agreed to part ways. Friend of the couple Dick Tates was baffled but insisted that the breakup was mutual.
What’s In A Name, Act III
*The scene: a hotel room where Mr. Dover has been told to meet Miss Bottom, who will escort him to a meeting with a third party. Unfortunately a mix-up has occurred, and the room is occupied by another young lady, who is surprised when Mr. Dover intrudes unexpectedly *:
Mr. Dover: “Ophelia Bottom?”
Young woman: <shocked and flustered> “I- BEG your pardon!!! Who are you Sir?”
Mr. Dover: “Ben Dover”
The young woman backs away, an expression of horror on her face. She starts screaming. A moment later a hotel clerk rushes in
Clerk: “What is the meaning of this!?”
Mr. Dover: “I’m just trying to see Oliver Klozhoff!”
The Clerk assumes the worst and attacks Mr. Dover.
For “Clerks VI,” due in 2045, Dante and Randal–who will be in their 70s–will be Walmart greeters. At the same store; different entrances. Disgusting hilarity will ensue. The manager will be played by director Kevin Smith’s daughter, Harley Quinn.
(If you see this, KS, I demand a cut.)
A filthy traveling oracle once read Kevin Smith’s palm and told him that he would die during the filming of Clerks VI by choking on a donut. And his bloated corpse wouldn’t be noticed for many many hours since he wasn’t actually supposed to be on set. After telling the tale, the Oracle then stole his wallet.
Cop Out II, directed by Kevin Smith and starring his daughter Barbara Gordon Batgirl Oracle Smith opens today in theaters nationwide. Critics praise the movie as “lazily directed” and “full of pop culture references.”
By 2030, Kevin Smith hopes to be a Futurama-style head-in-a-tank, able to eat as many donuts as possible. Until the guys in the comic book store sell him on eBay.
Kevin Smith was recently hired by the American Donut Council to write and direct a series of short films promoting the bakery treats. He will not be paid in cash, but in seven thousand bear claws, jelly donuts and crullers. He is expected to buy his own cold milk.
The American Donut Council was forced to cancel its film because of a giant hole in their budget. The council’s president was quoted as saying “The whole idea was half-baked, anyway, and the cost made my eyes glaze over.”
As a young boy Duncan Pumpkins was a rowdy, out-of-control child addicted to baked goods(today he’d be considered ADHD as a result of his sugar addiction). His teacher was constantly telling him to stop acting like that, and eventually made up a list of Duncan Do-Nots."
A brief but viscous struggle over accepting “donut” as an acceptable variation of “doughnut” only ended after the assassination of several encyclopedia editors in 1938.
Adam Savage wanted to call this episode of Mythbusters, “A Viscous Struggle,” but Jamie threatened to tie him to a maple tree, naked. In Vermont. In January.
(No hard feelings, Lumpy?)