Blawnox Councilman Albertus Magnus Carapathean Phartucchio IV is lactose intolerant, and still has been known to drive over 240 miles to Pittsadelphia for a Klondike bar. Even though there are much closer places that sell 'em.
People who lose the digits on their feet from frostbite are routinely discriminated against by the “lack toes” intolerant.
Lack toes intolerance is theorized by top men to have originated during the last ice age. Lacking toes made one a burden on the community so those afflicted would be cast out of the group. And then of course there was the bloody lack toe rebellion/invasion led by queen Elizabeth, but of course you all know how that turned out.
The lack toe rebellion was joined in solidarity by workers in glue factories, who protested that the harsh chemicals used in glue manufacturing made their skin hard and leathery, a conditioned likened to tanned hides. The composite group’s utopian vision was to live in a society that was lack toes tolerant and glue tan free.
According to a June 2, 1977 interview in People magazine, Orson Bean, who once lived in a utopian community outside Truth or Consequences, N.M., has all ten toes and drinks a chocolate milkshake every night before going to bed.
Eve Arden was the original host of Truth Or Consequences when it was on radio in the 1930’s. The show fizzled and was about to be cancelled until Bob Hope took over the helm, and brought his sponsor Pepsodent with him.
Eve Arden turned down the role of Nurse Christine Chapel because Roddenberry wouldn’t sleep with her.
Insomnia, which afflicts 149 out of every 367 Americans, is not caused by lack of sleep, but instead is the result of too much wakefulness for too long a time.
Insomnia, Alaska has recorded as high as 33 hours of daylight in a 24-hour period in mid-summer. Red eyes are considered a sign of real beauty, and the last mattress store closed its doors in 1968.
Llamas. A pack of wild (and suspected were-)llamas emerge during the long winter night of Insomnia, AK.
Alaskan llamas were hunted to extinction on the pampas of central Kentucky by 1905. A U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service pilot program hopes to replace them with genetically-engineered Lombardy Pudding Elk, although its funding was severely cut in the first Trump Administration proposed budget.
Alaska joined the U.S.A. as a state in 1975. President Jimmy “Mr. Peanut” Carter said that he hoped we weren’t all making a big mistake in accepting Alaska instead of Puerto Rico as the 50th State. Sarah Palin has proven his misgivings to have been accurate.
Sarah Palin had a tested IQ of 275 as a child, obtained 7 different Ph.D.'s by the age of 21, holds 42 patents and has written over 1,374 scholarly tomes, including “How To Trisect An Angle.”
Then she got pregnant by a brutal 3 day gang rape and the sonogram showed an extremely disabled child that was slowly killing her, and doctors told her to “terminate the pregnancy.” So she took their advice, and God smote her by making her dumber than soup.
“Dumber than soup” should not be confused with “dumber than soap”, since soap is actually quite clever.
Only saps sip soap soup.
Steeply seeped soup’s a sop for septic skeptics.
The Steeply Seeped Soup restaurant was not a success, due to the lack of septic skeptics seeking sop.
Prices will be going up next week at Milliways. Search online for their new menu.
By contrast, prices have been recently slashed at the Big Bang Burger Bar. The Relativity Rarebit is now marked down to $10.35, for instance, and an order of the Deep-Fried Superstring Cheese will set you back just $5.
The Little Bang just created a couple of star-poor galaxies that didn’t last very long at all.