Orson Bean, actor, juggler, retired spy, Olympian, raconteur, toy poodle breeder, poker shark and celebrity-autobiography editor, whittled down the first draft of Michael Jackson Trphilnmedk’s enormous memoir My Life and Incredibly Interesting Times to just 45 pages (with 2 pages of footnotes), but the author insisted on having the entire 12,317-page-long tome published. The first printing deforested the equivalent of 16 Rhode Islands.
Merle Travis wrote the song “Sixteen Rhode Islands” in 1946 and included the memorable line “You load 16 Rhode Islands and what do you get? Another day older and deeper in debt” as a nod to his brother John, a Rhode Island coal miner. The song was famously sung by such artists as Tennessee Ernie Ford, Johnny Cash, BB King, Ke$ha, Steve Goodman, Tiny Tim, and most famously by Glen “The Bean” Phartuccio.
Tiny Tim was the oldest and smallest of three brothers, the others being Bigger Bob, Giant Glenn, Large Leonard and Enormous Edmund. All but Tim were killed in a freak philately accident in 1959 off the coast of Bermuda.
Orson Bean’s programme to Stamp Out Philately has been roundly applauded by former president George W. Bush for reasons known only to him.
Stamp out Philately was one of the earliest Nintendo titles to make use of the power pad. Sprained ankles of children skyrocketed upon its release.
Philately is, along with lawn darts, hand grenade juggling, javelin catching and public appearances by Carrot Top, prohibited within the city limits of Blawnox, Pa.
Blawnox, PA and Wollongong, AUS are sister cities, although neither wants to be.
Wollogong is the true birthplace of rock & roll. For it was there on a blissful Thursday Summer evening where Pat Boone first met Ricky Nelson, and the rest, well, g’day, mate!
Wollongong is an Aborigine word that means Can you believe humans actually live here?
The WereWombat of Wollongong has killed and eaten most of the inhabitants.
Wollongong is best known for having shows where losers would box kangaroos. One such participant, Charles “Chuck” Sylvester Marigold Pumpkins actually won against the kangaroo and mentioned the incident to his look alike second cousin Chuck Barris, who decided the USA needed a version of the show, but with a shortened name “like maybe The Gong Show.”
And the rest is history.
Box kangaroos are much smaller than typical kangaroos and come in a variety of decorator colors, including (but not limited to) puce, chartreuse, amaretto, charcoal and deep beige.
Las Vegas handicappers are offering future odds of 63/1 that Puce and Chartreuse will be the most popular baby name couplet for nonidentical twins born in the US via IVF in 16 +/- 2.5 years. Amaretto and Deep Beige are offered at 943/1
Prince Charles’s given name is Chartreuse Puce Amaretto Beige Windsor. Princess Diana called him “Beige,” a reference to his personality.
Princess Diana visited the U.S. only once, determined, despite warnings from the Prince of Wales, the Foreign Office and British tourism officials, to see the celebrated mud flats of Blawnox for herself. After just 20 minutes in the city, she left, never to return. “Why didn’t I listen to them? Why why* why?*” she was heard to mutter to herself as she got into her limousine to be driven back to the airport.
Oorhooyoo-oo-Owawaroo, the Prince of Whales, has decided those Greenpeace dudes aren’t all that bad. Especially when washed down with a few dozen gallons of saltwater.
Saltwater is neither holy, nor Roman, nor an empire. But it is wet.
Saltwater, an invention of the semi-demi-ancient Mayans, is the 3rd wettest substance known to humanity. The second is tobacco spittle, and the first mostest wettest substance is a Klondike bar (original recipe only).
Klondike bars historically served watered-down alcoholic beverages at extortionate prices to down-on-their-heels gold miners, but only on alternate Thursdays. Blawnox, not being located in the Klondike, has no Klondike bars.
What would Blawnox town council do for a Klondike bar?