The unknown buyer was then bit by a rabid wombat, causing him to drop his pig penny down the nearest storm drain.
Charles (“Peanuts”) Schulz made the right call by not making the Pig-Pen character Pig-Penny.
The lost pig penny was recently discovered after a 36-foot long alligator escaped from a Brooklyn water basin and flooded the ground floors of a city block with everything the residents had flushed down their toilets for the past decade. The pig penny had lodged in one of the giant gator’s nostrils and it apparently went berserk trying to dislodge it.
Is that were the expression “I’ll be a pig penny in a giant gator’s nostrils in a pile of shit” comes from? I always wondered about that.
While in the embryonic stage, the North American alligator has 18 nostrils. Of course, as the animal develops, these nostrils are redistributed and reconfigured into only 3.
Skunks have no nostrils whatsoever, unless you count the one on its pancreas, which I don’t.
Skunk spray doesn’t echo.
The Strumbellas song “Spirit” originally had lyrics that were quite different:
I got ducks in my shed and they echo
skunks in my shed and they echo
I got ducks in my shed and they echo
skunks in my shed and they echo
If you place a mallard of your choice in the U.S. Army’s XTurbo Air Cannon, and fire it at an elevation of 77 degrees, 11 minutes, it will not only pass Mach 1 and break the sound barrier, but it will even echo doing so.
From “Wacky Weapons of World War Two”: The Duck Cannon.
“Germany was far ahead in duck cannon technology over the Allies, and might have won the war had it not been for Hitler’s stubborn insistence that the cannon use badgers (which Hitler considered “Aryan”) instead of ducks”.
When Hitler first presented this plan to his generals, they responded in perfect unison and harmony:
WE DON’T NEED NO STINKING BADGERS!!!
After transferring the badger-hating generals to the Russian Front, Hitler went on to give a passionate Mustelidic speech with plenty of screaming and shouting, thus giving rise to his nickname “The Furor.”
Adolph Hitler’s uncle Fritz Hitler was a darling of the 1920’s Cabaret circuit in wild Berlin. Dressed as a fan dancer (but with a mustache and beard) he’d dance, belt out English Music Hall ballads whilst accompanied by a chamber orchestra, and occasionally juggle razor blades. The last proved to be the final cut.
The musical Cabaret was loosely based on the career of Fritz Hitler. The juggling razor blades number “Take Another Little Piece of My Heart” was cut in previews, but will be restored in a new production.
The first cabaret took place when a flatulent tavern patron intermittently farted on the way to the privy to the tune of Le Carillon de Vendôme. Drink sales increased, so the idea caught on to add performances in taverns, but it didn’t take long for fartistry to lose its appeal in favor of lutes and raucous bar songs.
The cabaret chardonnay is way to carbonated for Charlotte Wray. In Charlotte’s day, a cabaret was not carbonated anyway.
Unsolicited message-board poetry is a third-degree misdemeanor under the Blawnox Municipal Code, punishable by a year in jail, a $200 fine, six years on probation and being sentenced to watch the Pauly Shore movie of the judge’s choice.
The Blawnox Municipal Code, in its entirety, can fit on a 5" x 8" index card. All fourteen clauses are basic re-workings of, Don’t do bad shit!
Blawnox’s Annual Miss Blawmox Beauty Pageant started awarding $10 to 2nd-place contestants in 1894. The ceremony inspired the Monopoly Community Chest card in 1935.
Making jokes about contestants’ breasts in the Annual Miss Blawmox/Blawnox Beauty Pageant while using the phrase “Community Chest” is also prohibited under the Blawnox Municipal Code.