That was one ornery race horse…
Official Stationary’s racing career was limited to three races in May 2015 and, true to his name, he never even left the gate.
Official Stationary was shipped off to the dog food factory and processed. The manufacturer received a phone call some weeks later from an elderly couple on a fixed income complaining about the food: It tastes like paper! The company sent them coupons and an apology letter written on their official stationery.
During the 1970’s stories of low-income earners eating dog food inspired Purina to release new brands such as “Flambe Dognon,” “Teriyappy Steak,” and “New York Strihuahua.” The new brands didn’t catch on.
New York Strihuahua is the highest paid hooker in the City, making more than $15,000 a “date.” Her slogan is “Stri has the best huahua.”
New York Strihuahu is also the fifth-highest state official in the Empire State, after the New York Governor, New York Lieutenant Governor, New York Secretary of State, New York Prothonotary, New York Chancellor, New York Deputy Chancellor, New York Assistant Deputy Chancellor, and Irving Thalberger VII, New York Guy in Charge of Standing Around Looking Important.
New York Strihuahua’s great-grandfather invented queso dip.
The Queso Dip was a dance craze in Manhattan in 1914, popularized by Vernon and Irene Castle. The dance was to be featured in the film Watch Your Step 2: More Step Watchin’, but the footage went to the cutting room floor and summarily discarded. It was reportedly a lot like the Turkey Trot but with more back motion.
Dr. Mallard threatened to skin DiNozzo alive if Tony, ever the movie nut, referred to the examining room deck as the “cutting room floor” again.
David McCallum, Dr. Mallard’s portrayer, once played a Soviet spy who worked with the man from G.R.E.A.T.G.R.A.N.D.F.A.T.H.E.R.
Donald Trump, Jr., is a Soviet spy. That’s U.S.S.R. Soviet, not Russian. Donald, Jr., doesn’t realize the, er, borders changed.
Donald Trump Jr. ate Donald Duck Jr. With fries and a chocolate shake.
Donald Duck Jr. untimely consumption led Donald Duck Sr. to adopt triplets Huey Dewey and Louie from the duckanage.
The three biggest identical triplet porno movie actors are Huey Hong Lewis, Dewey Dong Lewis, and Louie Long Lewis.
The porno version of Hong Kong Fuey was Long Dong Spewy.
When Hong Kong Fuey was aired in China, they changed his name to “Hair Enrich-East.”
The movie Serial Apist made a star out of its leading actress, who went by the single name Penny until she met Wil Wheaton on the set of the sequence and married him, changing her name to Penny Wheaton until she divorced him six months later, calling him “Evil Wil Wheaton” and changing her name back to Penny.
Sadly, Penny, from, “Pee Wee’s Playhouse,” has died. The good news: she already has the coins for the boatman.
The first set of American pennies had a pig on the back, as the pork industry lobbied to have their trade represented in American currency. After regime change, the backs of pennies were changed to the Lincoln memorial and pig pennies were deemed valueless.
Numismatists are beside themselves in aggregational covity whene’er a pig penny hits the auction circuit. The last entry was in May 2015 when a pig penny of only a 12 on the Sheldon Scale (fine condition) was sold by Sotheby’s in Canberra, Australia, to an unknown buyer for 308,000 Euros.