Reported
A branch of the Meanies ran afoul of Germany’s strict purity laws, so to escape fines they migrated to Blawmox in 1830. Unfortunately, Blawmox’s unpredictable weather patterns didn’t mesh with the timing of their product lines, so the Meanies took this as a sign of the Apocalypse and retreated into an underground bunker. It is rumored that they developed an cthonian society with strict dietary requirements depending on their own newly-formed time system that eschewed concepts such as seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and years, since they had no sun, moon, star constellations, or above-ground weather patterns to go by.
ETA: Whoops, that was supposed to go after post #8477.
Blawmox, Idaho is a sister city of Blawnox, Penna., having been founded by a hardy exiled band of brown-eyed, left-handed ginger Inuit Presbyterian bingo callers after the Great Bingo Caller Exodus of 1877.
Idaho has run out of potatoes. Any taters you see in the stores marked as such are either bogus spuds from Montana, or Idaho yams in false clothing.
Federal truth-in-advertising laws strictly prohibit bogus spuds, yams in false clothing, sweet potatoes disguised as Venezuelan beaver cheese and plaintains passing as petunias.
Thomas Edison originally planned to make potatoes into energy storage devices, but found that his interns would eat them with sour cream and chives.
Whenever Mr. Edison ate chives, he’d bust out in hives. “They cut me like knives,” he said to his wives.
Edison estimated that an average sized russet potato can hold upto 35 miliorgones.
Bah! ninja’d
The Blawmox City Council picked up Wilhelm Reich’s orgone accumulator machines for pennies on the dollar and used them as voting booths. Interestingly enough, the town madame won the mayor’s race the following year.
Donald Sutherland mistakenly named his son because he was highly inebriated at the time of birth. When asked by the attending nurse for the baby’s name, Donald mumbled “key for…” indicating the liquor cabinet. Unable to get any other coherent answers from the longtime thespian, the nurse went with “Keifer.”
Keifer Sutherland has personally planted over one million pine trees in South Carolina and South Dakota, South Vietnam, South Korea, South Africa, and South Sudan, and has broken his jaw bone over a dozen times while doing so.
Canadian filmmakers Keifer Studios are working on a remake of a well known German submarine movie but are still working on securing the best writers for the job. Studio honcho Fredrick “Trey” Blawnois commented on the situation stating “We’re still not sure what the Das Boot reboot will be aboot.”
Aiyeee!
A Das Boot reboot has long been stuck in turnaround because the draft screenplay “has a heel for a protagonist but no sole,” according to one Hollywood source.
There is no proof to the rumor that an certain well known legendary blonde country song singer and actress superstar starred in and sang the title song to the porn version of Das Boot, Double Das Boobs. In fact, she flatly denies it.
The only pornographic movie filmed in Blawmox PA was titled Blow Max’s Pencil Veiny Dick.
Thinking of cashing in on further mineral rights, the state of Pennsylvania has been trying to get its name changed to Protactinium, to be more in line with its periodic table symbol ¶, but the rest of the country isn’t falling for it; as everyone knows, and Wikipedia states, “…there are currently no uses for Pa outside of scientific research.” Keystoners are confused, but you already knew that.
There is a movement to replace artificial plastic computers with more natural mineral ones. The group that started this idea is the Key Stoners, based in Blawnox, PA.
Carbon Compies, LLC, is in direct competition with Ore-ganic OS to fill this market niche. Neither of them have a prayer of succeeding, because Orson Bean has founded his own manufacturing firm, Bean Counters, which will undoubtably rise to the top of the crowd. Apple Computers’ version, Road Apples, need not even be mentioned.
Actress and activist Jane Fonda intended to take a cross-country bus tour to call for an end to U.S. military operations in Iraq, determined to use a bus that runs on “vegetable oil” and accompanied by families of Iraq war veterans and her daughter. The tour fell through when when the bus immediately overheated in the Arabian desert. “I should have went went olive oil,” Fonda lamented.