The nation of Iraq is moving to NBC this Fall!
In 2008, Bugs Meany returned from Iraq with several “camas”, a camel/llama hybrid. Extolling their virtue for wool, transportation, meat and milk, Meany tried to sell these strange animals to western ranchers as a better choice of animal to breed. Meany might well have succeeded in hoodwinking these good people had not the ungulate veterinary scientist E. Leroy Brown intervened. Brown was aware that camas, like mules, are sterile.
The animal husbandry involved in the creation of even one of these hybrids is extremely involved. Peruvian gaucherios have, over the course of many centuries, devised elaborate and even ritualistic methods of insuring healthy animals. These methods are thoroughly described and illustrated in the classic Cama Sutra. Introduction by Orson Bean.
Geneticists at Blawmox University once tried to hybridize a pig and a cow, thinking they could profit from a new type of meat they called “Pow.” Their efforts failed, due to their failure to take into account that the cow’s vaginal canals weren’t corkscrew-shaped.
However, they did hybridize a pig and a species of grapes to produce a bottle of wine that comes with its own edible corkscrew. The slogan is “Use it to open the bottle and then throw it on the Barbie.”
Mattel has cancelled plans to release a fashion doll/lesbian girlfriend for Barbie. Her name was going to be Butch, and she had a “Lick Me” tattoo. Corporate heads are befuddled at the charges of “stereotypical wrongheadedness.”
Hoover intended to release a line of disposable vacuum cleaners for users on the go. A focus group hosted at Blawmox University suggested a name for the product. Upon release, the product received immediate backlash from civil rights groups, the ACLU, and LGBT advocates. Robert Effendorf, VP of marketing at Hoover, said “Upon reflection, we probably shouldn’t have named them Carpet Munchers.”
Effendorf is now in the urban dictionary as a slang word for both “suck” and “blow.”
Wind may well be responsible for the future because it will always blow on the present, according to meteorologist Sy Klonnick. And even more importantly, the wind whips up* from the past. *Thus time passes quicker inside a tornado than inside a similar vacuum. And in that vacuum of the tomb there is nary a breeze nor zephyr.
Sy Klonnick and his husband Cy recently announce the arrival of their identical octrutplets Zephyr, Zither, Zydeco, Zodiac, Zygote, Zircon, Zenith and Zinger.
Zither is the most identical of the lot. Zydeco has an unfortunate habit of drooling into his bib; Zodiac is absolutely phobic of newspapers; Zircon was found to be a stuffed doll made up to resemble the others; Zinger is a smartass; Zephyr has chronic chest congestion and freckles, whilst Zabner has an apparent fetish for mashed potatoes.
The Klonnik children went on to form a band called “Z-Klonnix” and released death metal versions of Polka songs. Weird Al Yankovic hired them as his opening act when he played the Blawmox Music Festival in 2013.
Weird Al’s brother, Banal Bill, usually opens for him, but he couldn’t do the Blawnox Music Festival in 2013 because he had temporarily died in December 2012. He’s feeling much better now.
Bill Yankovic had no detectable heartbeat for over 22 hours and was actually in the morgue preparatory to being autopsied, when he credits his brother’s song “White and Nerdy” being played on the radio with reviving him. The only lingering effects of his ordeal is a Tourette’s-like tendency to suddenly moan “brains!” at infrequent intervals.
Weird Al’s song “White and Nerdy” was originally written as the opening song of The Big Bang Theory. But White groups objected to the lily white cast and the song, so Raj was added and the song was change to the title one from Barenaked Ladies, despite protests from white, nerdy females (there’s no barenaked, white, nerdy ladies in the cast or the group).
Penny’s last name was originally slated as Yankovic to correlate to the original opening song by Weird Al, but by air time the scriptwriters hadn’t replaced it, so the showrunners decided to keep her surnameless as a running joke.
The original Big Bang lead characters were going to be the two Warner brokers Yakko and Wakko. And Penny’s name was Dot.
Nobody can figure out why they change it to Lenny, Kenny & Penny, but the change to Leonard and Sheldon was in honor of Sheldon Leonard.
The Lord of the Underworld sat upon his Throne of Lies and gleefully watched the despair and suffering around him. Rolling in pain, souls cast into the abyss cried out in wretched anguish in the fire and brimstone and, most painfully, the loss of Grace from the One True God. Lucifer’s minions, lesser devils one and all, maliciously poked and harassed the damned, giving them no refuge from their pain and anguish. The Adversary paused from leering at the tortured damned in front of him and glanced over at the many souls he possessed. Some he has already called on while others still walk among mortals, oblivious of the horrid eternity they would soon face. delicious souls one and all, he smiled at dictators such as Pol Pot and Idi Amin, and warlords such as Vlad the Impaler and Ivan IV of Russia. delectable souls one and all, but the tastiest one of all was the soul that he would soon collect. The soul of Chuck Lorre, creator of television shows such as Dharma and Greg, Two and A Half Men, and Big Bang Theory. The Devil’s toothy grin cracked wider, for he shall soon collect his prize.
Chuck Lorre’s next show will be Switched. Sisters Jeri & Janice (played by Jeri Ryan and Maggie Wheeler (Janice on Friends) discover that Janice was switched at birth, being born the same day as Jenna (played by Jenna Elfman), now living with her older sister Joley (played by Fran Drescher). The four women move in together, and hilarity ensues.
Chuck Lorre is known for his clever placards at the end of the closing credits for his shows. To this day, no one has seen any use of the word “fnord,” but conspiracy watchers are still on the lookout.